There were 138 spoof news stories published in January 2005. A selection of the most popular stories is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get news stories from a day in this month.
Amber Frey Dating Again!
CALIFORNIA (AP) Between her appearances in court to testify against Scott Peterson, Amber Frey has resumed her active social life and is dating one "very special man". Her last dating experience with Scott Peterson didn't go so well for Amber...
Read full storyBrad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston split causes nickname nightmare
HOLLYWOOD - A special meeting of members of the US and foreign press was held today in an effort to create a catchy news title for celebrity couple Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston.
Read full storyVerizon Guy Sued for Telephone Harassment
BREWSTER, NY - Paul Marcarelli, better known to millions of television viewers as "the Verizon guy," has been sued for sexual harassment and making terroristic threats by telephone. The suit was filed by Marcarelli's ex-fiancé, Julia Richardson, in B...
Read full storyHarvard Should Drop Math and Science for Women Says University's President
UTICA, N.Y. - Harvard President Lawrence H. Summers, who created a firestorm when he suggested two weeks ago that biological differences between the sexes may explain why fewer women succeed in math and science careers, now wants Harvard to stop offe...
Read full storyHarry Starts Fascist Fashion Craze
Nazi regalia - it's the new fashion craze that's hit the Western world like a blitzkrieg.
Read full storyApple Announces $99 iMac !
CUPERTINO CA (AP) Apple Computer will announce at MacWorld Expo a sub-$100 Macintosh computer-aimed at iPod hungry Windows users. Until now, most Windows users were too cheap to kick in over a thousand dollars for an easy-to-use Macintosh computer, s...
Read full storyPrince Harry Becomes Icon for Right Wing Youth
England has breathed a sigh of relief at finally being let out of the right wing closet thanks to the courage of young Prince Harry.
Read full storyChristian Conservatives Want Barney's Genitalia
Christian Conservative gangs in the US are marching the streets armed with machetes and automatic weapons in search of SpongeBob SquarePants, Barney, and other suspected homosexual characters.
Read full storyScientific Study II: "Poodles are Evil"
Gonad, Washington - After much study and collaboration, historians and scientist alike, have come to the conclusion, that poodles are indeed, evil. (This is a fact that many of us have known all along.) Poodles, in their words, are the spawn of Sat...
Read full storyCameron Diaz Arrested for Drunk Driving!
LOS ANGELES (AP) LAPD officers arrested movie star Cameron Diaz early this morning and charged the actress with drunk driving, public intoxication, vegetarianism, lewdness, resisting bodily search, attempt to bribe a law officer, and excessive smilin...
Read full storyJohnny Carson Dead! David Letterman Panics!
NEW YORK (AP) Upon hearing news of the death of Johnny Carson, David Letterman went into a panic attack and had to be sedated by his physician. "Mr. Letterman is now completely unconscious and will not wake up until next Thursday," said the...
Read full storyObese Penguin Eats Punxsutawney Phil
On a cold Pennsylvania morning Punxsutawney Phil was waking up from a nice relaxing slumber to his one day of fame every year, Groundhog Day. Each year the critter wakes up as droves of morons flock to the small town to watch a furry cute rodent. If...
Read full storyFamily Wiped Out in Bizarre Accident !
TOLEDO OHIO (AP) The collapse of the second floor of a house in a residential neighborhood took the lives of an entire extended family early this morning. Fire rescue crews were summoned to the house on West Maple Street by neighbors...
Read full storyGiant Snake Crawls Up Dryer Vent, Eats Entire Family
CHICAGO, ILLINOIS - An entire family has apparently gone missing, seemingly swallowed up by a giant African Congo snake that somehow entered their home by way of a dryer vent. Neighbors called police after the family failed to take in their newspape...
Read full storyBill Cosby: Paris Hilton Fondled ME!
SHELBURNE FALLS, MA (AP) Speaking to TV news crews on his front lawn, actor - comedian Bill Cosby revealed a shameful episode in his past. "About a year ago, I was entertaining a group of friends at my vacation house in Detroit. Attending the pa...
Read full storyKobe Bryant Amputation?
LOS ANGELES (AP) Doctors treating L.A. Lakers basketball star Kobe Bryant for a sprained ankle are now considering amputation. "The sprained ankle is much worse than we first thought," said Dr. Justin Hackett at a news conference. "Usually we just pu...
Read full storyA Holy Bible That is Full of Holes
Norfolk, Virginia----Leaders of the coalition of right-wing Christians , known as the Christian Coalition, have been using scissors to snip out sections from thousands of Bibles, to make its teachings more relevant to our modern times. The new vers...
Read full storyQueen's Nazi Youth League Ball 'Jammy Success'
LONDON (Rotters) - London's social season opened with a palpable bang at the Queen's First Annual Nazi Youth League Ball. The affair, held at Buckingham Palace, drew senior royals and sycophants alike and lasted until dawn.
Read full storyAcademy announces new Oscar category to appease "Passion" fans
HOLLYWOOD --- Responding to the media furor by conservative groups alleging Oscar nomination snubs for Mel Gibson's The Passion of Christ, a spokesman for the Academy of Motion Picture Arts today announced a new Oscar category: Most Disturbing...
Read full storyCheney Makes Light of Auschwitz Blunder
WASHINGTON - "Nobody told me the damn thing was formal," said Vice President Dick Cheney in response to a reporter's question about his attire at a gathering of world leaders at Auschwitz to mark the 60th anniversary of its liberation on Thursday. "I...
Read full storyMichael Jackson to be Enclosed in Bubble During Trial !
SANTA MARIA, California (AP) Judge Rodney Melville ruled today that pop star Michael Jackson would be confined to a large plastic shell "bubble" during his upcoming trial for charges of child molestation. Michael Jackson's lawyer, Thom...
Read full storyCondoleezza Rice to star in Aunt Jemima biopic
HOLLYWOOD - Condoleezza Rice today announced she has accepted the starring role in Jemima Power, the upcoming biopic centering on the life and times of America's best-recognized pancake lobbyist, Aunt Jemima.
Read full storyProfessor Nouveau En Route to Paris for Lecture Tour
The very distinguished historian and gadget collector Professor Art Nouveau will soon begin his much anticipated three continent lecture tour. Traveling by steamship from his home in Brooklyn, New York, Professor Nouveau and his lovely young a...
Read full storyMinnelli and Jackson Unite in Blaming Gest
Megastar Liza Minnelli is fighting back as she is hammered with lawsuits from every direction.
Read full storyAmerican Nazi Party Turns Over New Leaf
PORTLAND, OR --- Oregon Aryans are done being spiteful, self-absorbed hate mongers, at least according to Ed Krappler, Oregon's chief of the American Nazi Party (NSM). And to prove it, Krappler says, all Oregon Nazis will only do good deeds from...
Read full storyHuygens Titan Space Probe Reveals Past Civilization !
DARMSTADT, Germany (Reuters) - Space officials worked through the night to sharpen the new photos taken by the space probe Huygens, which snapped the images Friday as it plunged through Titan's atmosphere before landing by parachute on the surfac...
Read full storyAARP Throws Support to Legalized Marijuana
WASHINGTON - The American Association of Retired Persons (AARP) will sponsor a smoke-in to promote the group's campaign to legalize marijuana. The weekend event, called the Great American Pot Luck Festival, will be held at Daytona International Speed...
Read full storyHalo! magazine to publish Provos' decommissioning pics
Soremount Castle, Northern Ireland, Monday 17 January - (Rioters) In a seminal landmark announcement, the Provisional IRA has finally agreed a multi-million ££££ deal to publish its controversial arms decommissioning photographs in Halo! magazin...
Read full storyPrince Harry Joins Nazi Party !
BUCKINGHAM PALACE Sept 13, 1940 (Reuters) Standing amidst a portion of the palace recently hit by German air bombers, King George VI and Queen Elizabeth reacted to the news that their great-grandson, Prince Harry, joined the Nazi Party. The Queen Mot...
Read full storyApple to Package Macintosh and iMac in Little Debbie Snack Cakes !
Apple Computer and McKee Foods Corp announced a deal in which the packaging material for all Macintosh and iMac computers will consist of Little Debbie snack cakes baked by McKee in Collegedale, Tennessee. The Little Debbie "Swiss Cake Rolls&quo...
Read full storyItaly Names "American Idiot" National Anthem and Enforces Dress Code
Roma and Firenze, Italy--After several snafus involving American tourists at AutoGrill toilettes, in supermercados, and on the streets of Rome, the Italian government has declared the popular rock song "American Idiot" by Greenday to...
Read full storyTed Nugent to Head Homeland Security
Washington, D.C. - Frustrated by mounting criticism over his failure to appoint a Secretary of Homeland Security, President George W. Bush announced this morning that he would name gonzo rocker Ted Nugent to the post.
Read full storyAOL acquires Nuclear Capability
With the overwhelming success of the Google IPO, shareholders have been applying pressure to AOL Time Warner to bring AOL back to the top of the NASDAQ Index.
Read full storyPresident Bush Buys Popemobile on eBay
The White House revealed yesterday that President George W. Bush had purchased the Popemobile during a late night Web browsing session with his twin daughters, Jenna and Barbara.
Read full storyNicollette Sheridan Says Owens Ready for Super Bowl
JACKSONVILLE, Fla. - Although Terrell Owens' doctor said Owens' injured right ankle isn't strong enough to withstand the rigors of Super Bowl play, actress Nicollette Sheridan says otherwise. Sheridan, star of ABC's "Desperate Housewives," told Sport...
Read full storyNation in shock as Royal revealed as Nazi by screeching newspaper
Britain woke up in a state of revulsion and shock today, as a leading member of the powerful Royal family was unmasked as a frightening Nazi by one of the nation's most respected newspapers.
Read full storyScientists Create Bullshit Powered Car
Detroit, Michigan - Scientists have created a new hybrid car that runs, for the most part, on the fumes emitted when human beings lie or bullshit.
Read full storyPepper Spray Ineffective on Cajun, Mexican, Indian Protesters
Police in Washington, DC are scrambling to find more potent crowd control methods after an incident at the presidential inaugural parade proved pepper spray to be useless on certain ethnic groups.
Read full storyNew Princess Diana Memorial Unveiled
LONDON (Rotters) -- Only a week after a Royal Parks spokesman's announcement that the costly (£3.6m) trouble-plagued Hyde Park fountain dedicated to Princess Diana was being demolished for another, more cost-effective model, delighted visitor...
Read full storyParis Hilton Helps Tsunami Relief Effort !
BANDA ACEH, Indonesia (AP) Publicity shy Paris Hilton is making a low-key effort to help the survivors of the recent tsunami that hit South Asia. Few people know that Paris Hilton is a trained nurse and volunteers regularly at hospitals all around...
Read full storyConstruction Worker Gets Burned Twice
Gary Stokes, 44, and a crane operator for the Mainstreet Construction Company located in Sioux City,Iowa, recieved first and second degree burns while on the job building the new Peter Thoreen Berevement Center next to St. Lukes Regional Medical Cent...
Read full storyMariah Carey Vows to Be More Annoying in 2005
Superdiva Mariah Carey, 34, vowed to regain the Associated Press Most Annoying Celebrity title, an honor that has gone to younger performers the last three years. "We owe it to our fans and most of all to the inner me," said Carey, who revealed that...
Read full storyPrince Harry Grounded!
LONDON --- Lord Alfred N. Ospin, Royal Administrator of Public Dispatches, denied rumors that Prince Harry's Nazi-hijinks have earned him a dark cell in the notorious London Tower. Neither is the young prince facing execution by beheading. Instead, t...
Read full storyPresident Bush Urged to Conserve Gravity
SCHAUMBERG, IL - Leyland Moser, the newly elected head of the American Society for the Preservation of Gravity (ASPG), has called on President Bush "to take immediate steps to reduce this nation's alarming rate of gravity consumption."...
Read full storyConservative Christians' Answer to SpongeBob Takes No Prisoners
LOS ANGELES, CA --- Fed up with the mainstream media's promoting homosexuality among young children, conservative Christians have come up with their own children's cartoon hero: Elijah BiblePants. Gay characters, such as SpongeBob Squarepants, Bob th...
Read full storyHarry goose-steps into trouble
Prince Harry has been ordered by his superiors to apologise to the public after the publication of a photograph showing him wearing a swastika armband, holding a spliff in one hand and a glass of absinthe in the other.
Read full storyTitan Blasted with Nuclear Weapons!
WASHINGTON DC (AP) Fearing a surprise attack from the Saturn Titans, the United States has launched pre-emptive nuclear strikes against several key targets on Titan -- a moon of the ringed planet Saturn. At a White House briefing, President George W.
Read full storyUniversity to Study The Male Urinator
Seattle, Washington - Doctors at the University of Washington Department of Behavioral Sciences are conducting a study as to why men choose and or, prefer to urinate outdoors.
Read full storyJ.K. Rowlings at the head of Satanic Cult
IRRP(Investigative Radical Right Press)- Found recently, information leading to a live satanic ritual held by a vile organization known as th DOFB (the Druidic Order of the Fluffy Bunnies). Tracking down this "Order" , the IRRP stumbled int...
Read full storyGeorge W. Bush: Used Car Salesman of the Year !
MCLEAN VIRGINIA (AP) The National Automobile Dealers Association has given the prestigious Used Car Salesman of the Year Award to President George W. Bush. Speaking to a cheering audience of hundreds of used car salesmen, NADA Chairman Charley Smith...
Read full storyBush Inauguration to be paid for with Social Security Money
WASHINGTON, D.C. - The White House today announced that more than $500,000,000,000 will be "borrowed" from the Social Security fund to help host the second inauguration of President George W. Bush. White House sources cite numerous...
Read full storyPrince Harry and Di Canio team up in pop duo
Prince Harry and Italian soccer star Paolo Di Canio are to team up to record a cover version of the Rolling Stones' seventies smash hit "Brown Sugar."...
Read full storyMadam Tussauds Unveils New Model
The world famous wax works Madame Tussauds today unveiled their latest sporting hero waxwork, Sir Kerr MacRae. The model was created from hundreds of measurements taken from the infamous Player Manager of the five a side football team "The...
Read full storyScientists Discover "Big Bang" Destroyed Universe
OAHU, HAWAII - Reversing the widely accepted view that the Big Bang created the universe, some 10 to 20 billion years ago, astrophysists now believe that the Big Bang actually destroyed the universe, some 10 to 20 billion years ago.
Read full storyKilroy-Silk Goes It Alone
At a public meeting in his East Midlands constituency, Narcissistic Personality Disorder sufferer Robert Kilroy-Silk explained to his fan why he is quitting the UK Independence Party.
Read full storySimon to quit "Idol" after head-shaving attack
WASHINGTON, DC --- Simon Cowell, the "butt-head" judge of American Idol, yesterday announced he will quit the show by the end of the week. Leaving his hotel two days ago, Cowell was assailed by five unidentified, masked individuals w...
Read full storyRock Star, Entrepreneur not "Taco Hucksters", Say Lawsuits
CANTON, OH --- Joe Lewinsky has led a modest life selling used books from his garage in suburban Canton. But it was not until a few days ago that he discovered his good name had been used by big business to hawk tacos. Going for "the whole ench...
Read full storyIreland Launches First Space Shuttle
GNOME, Ireland - Astronauts at the Experimental Space Center Institute in Gnome, Ireland, have announced the launch date for their first manned independent space shuttle "Limerick."...
Read full storyJudge in Michael Jackson case sets rules
Santa Maria, CA - As the sideshow of the century prepares to set up tent in southern California this week, the ringleader and Judge laid down the law. The sideshow in question would be none other than the trial of Mr. Michael Jackson.
Read full storyThe Importance of Following a Strict School Curriculum
It has come to my attention that there are actually some children out there who want to "home school" and don't understand the value of following a school curriculum. Here is an open letter to any child who feels that the school curriculum is not important: There can be no question that following a strict curriculum helps to prepare you for adult life. I, for one, am grateful...
Read full storyPresident Wins Alfalfa Club Speech Contest
WASHINGTON - Despite a heavy snow storm and a sore throat suffered when he almost choked on his inauguration speech, President George W. Bush braved a limousine ride through Washington streets to attend the annual Alfalfa Club dinner. Founded in 1913...
Read full storyCatwoman Unlikely Oscar Winner !
HOLLYWOOD (AP) Watch out Batman and Robin! Catwoman is on the prowl for an Oscar at the Academy Awards. The box office sensation has movie audiences lining up for tickets by the tens. Even sales of cat food, litter boxes, and hairball remedies have...
Read full storyLower Manhattan: Terrorists in Schmattas
New York City--The entire Lower East Side of Manhattan was cordoned off briefly after a resident of Greenwich, Connecticut, became alarmed by the behavior of the area's residents and feared a terrorist attack was imminent.
Read full storyGeorge Bush Health Scare
WASHINGTON (AP) President George W. Bush was taken to Walter Reed Army Medical Center today just after his staff finished the morning news briefing. The president was listening to Karl Rove read the main headlines in USA Today - the only paper Mr. Bu...
Read full storyFord Recalls 24,000 SUV Drivers
Concerned about the increasing rate of "irresponsible, negligent, and thoughtless behavior" exhibited by SUV drivers, Ford announced today that it is recalling 24,000 drivers of its Ford Expedition and Lincoln Navigator series in the first of a plann...
Read full storyBroke Osama Turns Himself in; Claims 25 Million Dollar Bounty
In an unprecedented move, the world's most wanted terrorist Osama Bin Laden has surrendered to authorities and promptly claimed the 25 million dollar reward on his own head.
Read full storyFear Factor Exposes Nebraska Town's Dirty Secret
MILFORD, NE --- For three months, Nebraska's cattle industry robber barons had been able to keep a lid on their smelly secret. And if it hadn't been for one of TV's top rating reality shows, no one except the residents of Seward County would have kn...
Read full storyTrump Tells New Bride, "You're Fired!"
PALM BEACH, FL --- Only seventy minutes into his third marriage, Billionaire Donald Trump told his fresh baked bride Melania Knauss it's over. The real estate rat-bag turned reality TV twit said the once ravishing Slovenian beauty now looks much too...
Read full storyEditorial: Being a high school student in America is probably better than being one in Iraq
I think that it must be better to be a high school student here than in Iraq. I mean, here you can publish whatever you want, and, because of the first amendment, no one can do anything to you. For example I could say right now that George W. Bush smoked illegal drugs and is an alcoholic and I wont get beaten up for it. But if I was a high school student in Iraq and I said that we should become a...
Read full storyBlair agrees to take lessons on leadership.
In a frank admission of his need to do better, UK Prime Minister, Tony Blair, has agreed to go back to school, and take some lessons on leadership. Apparently, this was his own idea, and Deputy Prime Minister, John Prescott, had "no knowledg...
Read full storyBit of Iraq Missing
Nearly 350 square Miles of Iraq have vanished from a heavily guarded sector of the country, the UN says.
Read full storyPolice move to ignore crime
ENGLAND, UK - Under new government plans unvieled today police may soon be relieved of the power to interfere with crime. This move is intended to give policemen more time to deal with the paperwork that had become a daily part of a policemans duty.
Read full storyPresident for Life Bush begins Second Term with Mass Purges
Washington D.C.- In a stunning move, President Bush has declared himself "President for Life" and announced numerous changes in the American way of life. Using his inaugural speech to tell the country about the new "Freedom Reforms&qu...
Read full storyCIA Cracks Osama's Pig Latin Code
The Central Intelligence Agency (CIA) announced yesterday that its code-cracking experts have deciphered a hidden message found at the end of Osama bin Laden's most recent address to the American people. Mr. bin Laden's address, which some observers...
Read full storyStudy Finds No Explaining Weeping Madonna
HOLLYWOOD (Rotters) - A study conducted on the case of Madonna reportedly shedding tears a decade ago concluded that the event has no human explanation, a Los Angeles newspaper reported today.
Read full storyCharity singles are a con but lets make one to get rid of Cliff Richard
We've had Band Aid 20, now we're ging to have a charity single for the tsunami disaster. Both promote good causes and the hearts of the majority of the artists are in the right place but they are a waste of time and money. Instead of making the single, just donate the money to the cause and instead of using your 'fame' to sing, instead spend time travelling across the country and...
Read full storyDriving Tips by Jermaine Pennant
Arsenal's troublesome youngster Jermaine Pennant has revealed that he is to release a book to try and get rid of the bad reputation he has got. He is said to feel that if he gives something back to the community then they in return might give him...
Read full storyJacko Decides on Career Change
The King Of Pop Michael Jackson has taken an unusual step in order to get away from the pressures of his legal matters, he has decided to join the biggest soccer team in the world Manchester United. Jackson will not only train with the clubs array of...
Read full storyTrump Enraged After Viewing Results of Target Gift Registry
Is Donald ready to tell the guests at his wedding, "You're fired?"...
Read full storyPriceless Pollock Destroyed by Soccer Mom
PEQUOD, SD --- Last Thursday, working mom Nora Paskow taped what she believed on of her sons' art projects to the refrigerator. Now she and her family have gone into hiding, not knowing whether the ever growing mob of rage-filled art historians will...
Read full storyCIA Train Sharpshooters
Washington, DC - CIA Deputy Director Startup Warmonger announced today a new and innovative program called "STAC", Strategically Trained Animal Commando's, (cats spelled backwards.)...
Read full storyNational "No Name-Calling Week" Begins with Name-Calling
NEW YORK --- It was intended to be a week-long nationwide celebration of tolerance and kindness. Instead, "National No Name-Calling Week", an initiative, which has received the whole-hearted support of an array of organizations ranging from The Girl...
Read full storyPrince Harry Dresses Up To The Neins
Third in line to the British throne and great, great, great grandson of Albert of Saxe-Coburg, Prince Harry was this week praised by world press after an hilarious tribute to Allo Allo actor Richard Marner at a recent fancy dress ball in aid of desti...
Read full story200 People Die From New Music Genre
Efforts to clean up after tragic concert in Kneedeep, Alabamahave taken longer than expected. Though the exits were clearly marked and concert goers were not crowded in, all but a handfull perished in what is now called the shortest musical genre in...
Read full storyJohnny Carson: Never Lived in Nebraska !
LINCOLN, Nebraska (AP) Johnny Carson's death has stirred great interest in Nebraska. Governor Mike Johanns has been busy taking calls from newspapers and TV stations all across the country about Johnny Carson's early days in Nebraska. "First off, I h...
Read full storyScottish soothsayers claim Queen will drop dead tomorrow
Balmoral Castle, Scotland - (Associated Mess) Pandemonium is reported to have erupted among the communities living along the shores of Lock Ness today amid reports that a band of wise old Scottish radical feminists - so cruelly lambasted by the Pop...
Read full storyRenowned Art Historian Sacked over Death Threat
MoMA agrees to buy chocolate milk stained Pollock, gives struggling family lifetime membership NEW YORK, NY --- Calling leading art historian Jonathan Lowe's recent comments "mean spirited and unacceptable", the director of New York's Museum of Mo...
Read full storyCondoleezza Rice Quits
Condoleezza Rice has withdrawn her nomination for Secretary of State, accepting responsibility for her failure to prevent 9/11. Due to a misguided focus on Russia, as the number one threat against the United States and fighting the cold war instead.
Read full storyPhiladelphia Eagles Blitz Unlicensed "Official Party Centers"
Area food stores that call themselves "The Official Eagles Party Center" better have a license to do so, "or face legal consequences," warned Eagles president, Joe Banner, yesterday.
Read full storyBush Mobilizes Salvation Army
WASHINGTON, D.C. - President George W. Bush announced yesterday that with the holiday season at an end he will mobilize selected units of the Salvation Army in order to boost troop levels in Iraq. The designated units-the 15th Strip Mall Patrol and t...
Read full storyUS Vows to Win Back Oldest Mom Title
Not to be outdone, George W. Bush has vowed to move heaven and earth to give the United States back its title of having the oldest woman ever to give birth.
Read full storyBush devastated as "Idol" Judges Blast Inaugural Adress
WASHINGTON, DC --- His face awash in tears, George W. Bush this morning tendered his immediate resignation. He then hastily packed his suitcase and boarded the first flight to Kennebunkport, Maine. As the sole reason for his departure from office, th...
Read full storyGod Threatens Indonesia with Another Tsunami
Speaking at a roast for Johnny Carson yesterday, the Lord God Almighty charged Indonesia with inflating the death count from December's tsunami "just to make me look bad." He then threatened "to give those heathens something to whine about if they're...
Read full storyRolling Stone: No Qualms With Bible, But Zondervan Translation Boring
NEW YORK --- Fed up with the recent neo-con talk radio rants regarding its refusal to sell advertising space to Zondervan's latest translation of the Bible, the TNIV Bible, RollingStone magazine issued a statement explaining that religion was...
Read full storyCabin Fever Devastating to NHL Players
TORONTO, CANADA - As the lockout of National Hockey League (NHL) players reached its 117th day (January 10), the Canadian Mental Health Association (CMHA) blamed out-of-work hockey players for a disturbing spike in cabin fever-related incidents. Acco...
Read full storyMan Fired for Eating Pie
Cliff Sourkins VP of the UK region for Communications Company AYAVA was today unceremoniously removed from his role. Allegedly after auditors discovered a 2.3miilion pound irregularity in the regions accounts due to his unauthorised purchase...
Read full storyMoments After Delivery of 3rd Child, J.K. Rowling Already Besieged by Reporters
ASP (Associated Spoof Press) --- No sooner was Harry Potter author and fresh-baked mother of three, J.K. Rowling, wheeled from the delivery room to the maternity ward than she was harangued by a throng of mostly male reporters. Rowling gave birth a h...
Read full storyAmerican Idol to Select Iraqi President
The new Iraqi president will be chosen by the popular TV show American Idol rather than elections on January 30 as originally planned. According to White House sources, continuing violence in Iraq has convinced the administration to seek alte...
Read full storyMicrosoft Acquires Christian Software Firm
Microsoft's CEO Bill Gates announced yesterday that his company had acquired Endtimes! Software, the leading Christian software producer in Alabama. Endtimes!, "the inspired binary word of the Lord," is headquartered in Opp, the center of Alabama's S...
Read full storyPfizer's Move to Patent Drug Side Effects May Backfire
NEW YORK - Pfizer Inc., in a bold effort to shore up falling profits, has applied for patents on the most common side effects of prescription medications: headache, nausea, vomiting, irritability, runny nose, diarrhea, back pain, dizziness, shortness...
Read full storySenate Votes to Double Social Security Benefits, Bush Will Sign
WASHINGTON (AP) Remaining in session until 3AM this morning, the U.S. Senate finally voted to double the average Social Security benefit all US retirees will receive starting in mid-2005. The late vote followed vicious partisan debate and fistfights.
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