University to Study The Male Urinator

Funny story written by susan allen-rosario

Friday, 7 January 2005

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"Men will urinate outdoors even if there is a restroom close by."

Seattle, Washington - Doctors at the University of Washington Department of Behavioral Sciences are conducting a study as to why men choose and or, prefer to urinate outdoors.

"We are currently looking for candidates to participate in our research that, admittedly, choose to urinate outdoors, and those that do not. Our main interest is to find what governs these choices."

"So far, what we have found is that men will urinate outdoors even if there is a restroom close by. This may be a primitive brain behavior that mimics that of other male mammals who mark their territory by urinating on plants, scrubs, trees and even car tires, in an effort to stake their claim."

"Other men appear to be content to do what we have deemed a form of simulated urination by marking their territory by making home improvements. The act of hanging pictures, decorating windows and walls is a form (all be it more civilized than outdoor urination) of staking a claim. In essence, when we do these acts, we are telling other mammals, ‘this place belong to us."

"The whole concept of studying male urination has become fascinating. Many new and different ways of potty training males have come to light. One gentleman told us he prefers to sit, rather than stand.

"My mother had three sons and my dad to contend with. When she was training us, she painted a bull's eye in the bottom of the toilet. I tried aiming for the center ring, but my aim was always terrible and I felt defeated, so I just gave up and started sitting down."

Another fellow said his mom floated a duck. "If I hit the duck, I got an extra quarter in my weekly allowance. Money talks, I quickly became a sharp shooter."

Some males have revealed to us that in particular, they like to urinate outdoors at night. These nocturnal micturaters are very intriguing. It maybe that urinating in the dark, outdoors, is a way of flirting daringly with social mores. This behavior is reminiscent of more rebellious juvenile behavior such as urinating in a squirt gun and then discharging it. An older man admitted that he urinated on his neighbor's plants because he was jealous of his garden.

It's amazing what men will do with their output. It seems that, some use it as a venomous weapon against their enemies. This is a fact we hadn't even thought of before the study began, and was totally unexpected. We are eager to learn more!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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