Madam Tussauds Unveils New Model

Written by Stu B

Wednesday, 12 January 2005

The world famous wax works Madame Tussauds today unveiled their latest sporting hero waxwork, Sir Kerr MacRae. The model was created from hundreds of measurements taken from the infamous Player Manager of the five a side football team "The Old One Two"

The Press and public relations officer announced that Sir Kerr's model is officially the hairiest model they have ever made. Surpassing Billy Connolly and Guy the Gorilla by a considerable factor. 3.7 million individual hairs were placed on the body of the model, none on the head, all on the body. The hairs were donated from local barbers and poodle parlours.

Sir Kerr suggested at the launch, that his current team are his best yet and should be immortalised in wax alongside him. The Public Relations spokesmen said that if the team were to be created the amount of wax would be much greater than normal. "For ‘The Glue' and ‘Six Bellies' alone we would have to melt down all our current S Club 7 models" he added.

Sir MacRae attended the glitzy opening ceremony at the London location which still boasts the title of the UK's most visited tourist attraction, where he posed with the model and scoffed the sausage rolls. He was even seen putting some in his holdall in a box marked "Glue". He then rushed to join his team who played last night in the Comer League. They were keen to field a full squad again to try and capitalise on their winning streak of one match.

The depleted Squad were down to five men and the omens where bad when "Stu the Glue" appeared sporting an injury acquired when he fell off a train, apparently diving to save a half eaten Caramac that had been casually discarded by a fellow passenger.

A stadium full of Old One Two supporters tried their hardest to lift the squad as they faced their old adversaries "Pegasus". The game kicked off well and The Old One Two dictated the pace early with excellent teamwork allowing good flow of the ball up to the nimble stomached Adams. Keith Goodwin defended and fed well which later earned him man of the match and metters Mutant Metcalfe kept the ref busy whilst MacRae stuffed the ball up his jumper for a quick surge up the left. The first half saw the teams equally matched.

Fitness played a part in the second half when Pegausus, having some, began to make holes in the One Two's defence. Six Bellies Adams stood up front for so long his tan was topped up by the lighting

Then a serious of passes across the box ended with a goal for Pegasus closely followed by a second between the legs of the "glue" whose injury hampered his "Keeping Low" strategy.

Soon after a set piece long telepathic pass to Adams led to a revival of the Old One Two's fortunes and a goal for the Portly David Dickinson coloured striker.

Time ran out for the Old one two and the final score of 2 - 1 to Pegasus certainly didnt impress the Au Pair.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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