Nation in shock as Royal revealed as Nazi by screeching newspaper

Funny story written by Rick

Friday, 14 January 2005

image for Nation in shock as Royal revealed as Nazi by screeching newspaper
The product of generations of eugenics

Britain woke up in a state of revulsion and shock today, as a leading member of the powerful Royal family was unmasked as a frightening Nazi by one of the nation's most respected newspapers.

Prince Harry of Wales, third in line to the throne, and almost certain to assume the all-powerful Monarchy should his grandmother, father and brother all die, was pictured at a fancy-dress party sporting a costume similar to that of Rommel's Desert Infantry division. This clear indication of firm allegiance to Adolf Hitler's policies of Jew-extermination and Fascist global domination has been met with a tide of revulsion in the press, and fear and surprise on the streets of Britain, where it is commonly viewed that Harry will be given the power to carry-out his bloodthirsty wishes with full legal immunity in just a few years.

The Daily Mail has called Prince Harry, 20, "a racist scumbag, and a disgrace to his divine mother, who should be forced to apologise to the nation on bended knee at once," in a vicious article decrying Harry's flagrant embrace of the principles of National Socialism. The piece, situated just above yesterday's readers poll which found that 78% of the public wanted our borders closed to "illegal immigrants fleeing the Asian tsunami," has been greeted by the rest of the media as "full of measured, reflective common-sense."

The Sun, whose eloquent "We Love It" slogan has captured Britain's admiration for high literature and thoughtful contemplation, were the first to break the story. Their editor Rebekah Wade, tutting self-righteously and shaking her head slowly from side to side told this newspaper that "Harry is a truly terrible human being. Wearing an unwisely-chosen costume to a private party is a crime of such magnitude that I doubt any of us will ever recover"

"What kind of monster would do such a thing?," continued Fleet Street's number one tabloid hack, flicking nonchalantly through last night's dubiously obtained paparazzi photographs of celebrities' private anguish. "Global domination at the expense of morals and common decency is no laughing matter" concluded Wade, before leaving for lunch with her boss Rupert Murdoch.

The public have been understandably mortified by Harry's despicable behaviour. A brief survey of opinions on the streets of town today confirm that Harry's actions will have a permanent effect on British life. "I can't believe that someone as powerful as Prince Harry could do this!" cried one resident, Derek Gadd. "What next for Britain? Stupidly tight immigration controls, cameras on every street corner, biometric passport data, terrorist suspects held indefinitely without charge and ID cards for everyone?" Continued a visibly bothered Mr Gadd "I don't want to live in a country where people like him are in charge and can make laws like that!"

Another member of the great British public, Hugo Agogo, could barely contain his surprise that a member of the Royal family could display Nazi tendencies. "Well, I'm shocked of course," said Mr Agogo. "I mean, everyone knows that The Queen's great great uncle was Kaiser Wilhelm II of Germany, and that her uncle King Edward VIII was friends with Hitler, and that Prince Philip said that Chinese people all have slitty eyes, but this obvious display of Royal racism came completely out of the blue. I mean, it's abhorrent!"

Buckingham Palace have released a statement in which Prince Harry apologises for his conduct. A Press spokesman for the Royal family said that there was no problem with racism in the Royal household. When pressed by a journalist from Arab news agency Al-Jazeera as to whether Prince Harry had any friends from ethnic minorities, the spokesman pulled out a scale model of a black Mercedes, slammed it playfully into a nearby wall, and said "we don't really think making friends with those sorts of people is advisable, do you?"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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