Written by Jerry Cornelium

Monday, 31 January 2005

image for American Nazi Party Turns Over New Leaf
Oregon NSM chief Ed Krappler is still a bit shy about showing off the "new face" of the Nazi Party.

PORTLAND, OR --- Oregon Aryans are done being spiteful, self-absorbed hate mongers, at least according to Ed Krappler, Oregon's chief of the American Nazi Party (NSM). And to prove it, Krappler says, all Oregon Nazis will only do good deeds from now on. Good deeds such as staffing soup kitchens, working with troubled youth, helping people to overcome cross-cultural and cross-racial differences -- and cleaning up highways.

Krappler said he had a life-changing experience when performance-enhancement expert Phil Towle appeared at a workshop for top echelon Nazi Party members. Towle is best known for his ground-breaking work with the heavy-metal band Metallica.

"Towle made me see things about myself that I had always been too afraid to face," Krappler said, smiling. "It wasn't the Jews and the Blacks and all the immigrants that were making my life miserable. It was my fear of intimacy. When I said I was proud to be Aryan, I didn't really know what that meant. And I didn't want others to find out, because they might see something they could shame me with. And so I responded with hostility, when all I wanted was someone to love me just for who I really was."

Darren Osborn, another NSM official said he would like people of all colors, creeds, and persuasions to smile when they see a swastika scribbled on a bathroom stall. And when a jackbooted skinhead gives a Korean grocer the Nazi salute, Osborn said, that should be a happy, cross-cultural encounter - not an impending act of domestic terrorism.

Osborn encourages angry youngsters of all colors to look deep within themselves.

"Look deeply," he said. "And you will find something beautiful, divine inside yourself. You'll see all your anger and hatred dissipating, as if it had never existed. It's a beautiful thing when it happens. Believe me."

Krappler added that NSM folks, being doers and not talkers, have already launched a number of initiatives designed to show the "new face of the kinder, gentler Naziism in America." He explained that members of American Nazi Party in Oregon have sent volunteers to help out in soup kitchens in Black and Hisplanic neighborhoods. Others are being trained as conflict resolution counselors.

"And realizing that we have only borrowed the Earth from our children - rather than having inherited it from our parents - we have begun to participate in the ‘Adopt-A-Highway' program," he said.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Nazi, oregon

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