LONDON --- Lord Alfred N. Ospin, Royal Administrator of Public Dispatches, denied rumors that Prince Harry's Nazi-hijinks have earned him a dark cell in the notorious London Tower. Neither is the young prince facing execution by beheading. Instead, the young Prince has been grounded to his quarters - with no TV, stereo, Gamecube, and Internet.
Lord Ospin stated, "I wish to express that, contrary to currently circulating rumours, Prince Harry is not a prisoner of conscience, only a naughty boy who's being punished by his dad."
His Lordship further explained that there are no prison cells in London Tower.
"For God's sake, we take tourist groups through the place," he said.
The young prince disappeared from public view only a few days after the infamous pictures of him wearing Nazi regalia at a costume party were circulated. Right after his disappearance, notes in Harry's handwriting began to circulate throughout the palace stating that he was languishing in the "dreariest of cells in London Tower" where he was awaiting his "cruel and merciless execution at the headsman's hand."
One of the notes stated, "Here I languish, having to make do with moldy bread and stale water, while the rest of my family dine on caviar and Champaign. Ah me, poor prisoner of conscience …"
Lord Ospin stated that, while the handwriting and prose style clearly indicate that Prince Harry is the author of tese notes, there is no truth whatsoever in any of these allegations. His Highness has merely been confined to his quarters, where for the time of his being grounded, he must also eat his meals. Prince Harry occupies a twelve bedroom suite at Buckingham Palace, complete with kitchen and French chef.
"I assure you, bread and water are certainly not his only fare," he said. "The Prince is merely feeling a bit sorry for himself. Now we've all been children here, haven't we?"
Facing a group of journalists at a recent news conference, a visibly angry Prince Charles said, "That's the last straw. I think His Royal Highness has just earned Himself a smacked bottom. Uhm, is the mike on yet?"