Kobe Bryant Amputation?

Written by Morgan Truce

Saturday, 15 January 2005

image for Kobe Bryant Amputation?
"I'll deal with the news one day at a time, the good Lord willing..."

LOS ANGELES (AP) Doctors treating L.A. Lakers basketball star Kobe Bryant for a sprained ankle are now considering amputation. "The sprained ankle is much worse than we first thought," said Dr. Justin Hackett at a news conference. "Usually we just put a bag of ice on a sprained ankle and give a few aspirin, but Kobe Bryant's ankle is sprained so severely, we are probably going to have to remove his leg just below the knee! Because of Mr. Bryant's occupation, we are actually considering amputating both legs so we could later provide him with twin artificial legs that would increase his original height by two and a half feet!"

Kobe Bryant was stunned at by the news. "As you can imagine, this is very bad news for any basketball player. Well, I guess it would be bad news even for someone who can't score at anything. Here I thought my life was beginning to get straightened out after I raped that girl and didn't have to go to jail… and now this had to happen to me. I asked Dr. Hackett if he could just keep on with the aspirin and ice bags, but he told me that it would be best to start cutting."


Dr, Hackett practicing the new
chainsaw surgical technique he learned
at medical school last week in Texas.

"Dr Hackett told me that the best thing I could do with those ice bags would be to place them on my groin. He said that might slow down my impulse to rape pretty young women. I don't know… I got these strong feelings that come up every day."

Kobe Bryant's fans had mixed reactions to the latest medical development.

One young Lakers fan said, "I sure will miss seeing Kobe on the basketball court, but I guess if he comes back next year two and a half feet taller, it might be worth it!"

Another fan said, "While they're in there amputating, I can think of one other thing they ought to take off… that would slow down that no-good rapist!"

Although Kobe Bryant stands to lose a lot of salary from the L. A. Lakers while recovering from this amputation, he still will be getting a lot of money from his book, which is selling quite well.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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