Congress Passes Fetal Gun Rights Bill
Amid much controversy the Fetal Universal Gun and Ammo Rights bill (FUGAR) squeaked through the house and is now on it's way to the US Senate. Congressman Evan Jenkins of West Virginia (R-NRA-DNA) touted the bill as a win/win after the historic co...Read full story
'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' Gay Military Policy Being Asked By Congress
WASHINGTON (May 24) -- Congress may vote as early as Thursday to repeal the military's "don't ask, don't tell" law on gays, but when asked questions by White House reporters, Defense Secretary Robert Gates, who has a proud chin, carved by the winds o...Read full story
Congress bans Midget Adoption
WASHINGTON- Midget Rights groups around the nation were devastated last night after Congress passed a Bill banning Midget Adoption.Read full story
Tobacco Execs: New Cigarette Pacifier Not Targeting Kids
Washington D.C. - In a press conference held on the steps of Congress, Representatives for tobacco giant Philip Morris refuted claims that the new cigarette pacifier is aimed towards a younger market.Read full story
Congress changes spelling of "nucleus" to "nuculus"
WASHINGTON (API) - In order to eliminate a specific criticism of President George W. Bush, who pronounces "nuclear" as "noo-kyu-lar", the GOP leadership in Congress has passed a resolution changing the spelling of a subatomic part...Read full story
Bush and Congress Unite to Have Mexicans Help United States to Solve "Mexican Problem"
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President George W. Bush will sign the bill passed today by the U.S. Congress to build a wall along the entire U.S. and Mexico border. Support for the law was bipartisan and nearly unanimous as the National Border Defense and Undo...Read full story
Nancy Pelosi arrested for criminal damage
Speaker of the House of Representatives, Nancy Pelosi, was taken into police custody for criminal damage yesterday, after it was revealed that she had systematically torn up a copy of President Trump's State of the Union speech. The elderly felon,...Read full story
Replace Social Security with National Lottery, Says Bush
BLUE BELL, Penn. - President Bush announced yesterday that he plans to ask Congress to establish the Bet on America lottery, a first-of-its-kind national lottery that "will fix social security for good." Citing a Fox News survey in which one out of t...Read full story
Official Retirement Age Upped to 95 in the US
It happened shortly after Prince Philip announced his impending retirement. Members of the U.S. Congress, eager to extend their own gravy train and justify that extension as totally normal, were eager to vote this into law. "I'm all for it," said...Read full story
Nancy Pelosi's Hairdresser Secretly Controls Congresswoman
House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi's regular morning visit to her exclusive hairdresser is apparently not just to maintain her famously stylish look. According to low level sources at All Seasons Salon in D.C, Representative Pelosi has been takin...Read full story
The Saga of Mark Zuckerberg and the Booster Cushion
During his Congressional testimony, Zuckerberg was perched on a booster cushion to, well, give him a boost. In the long hours of testimony he became very attached to the booster cushion, so much so that when his testimony was over, he refused to s...Read full story
Nancy Pelosi Tells Devin Nunes That If He Has Naked Photos of President Trump He Needs To Show Them To Congress
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi texted Devin “No Nuts” Nunes and informed him that he will be subpoenaed, and he will have to show the nude photos of President Trump that he allegedly has. Nunes texted “Cupcakes” Pelosi back,...Read full story
Eloon Musk Set To Send 1 Million Dairy Cows To Mars To Re-establish Atmosphere On The Red Planet
Eloon Musk today purchased several thousand head of Jersey dairy cattle, some yet to be born, with the promise to breed up to 6 million to send a constant stream of the bovines to the planet surface of Mars. Each cow would be equipped with its own...Read full story
GOP Scours Homeless Shelters Rehab Centers for 2012 Congressional Candidates!
The wire services are reporting this morning that the RNC, on behalf of the GOP, is starting a nationwide search for candidates in the 2012 congressional elections. This comes in the aftermath of the Democratic victory in up-state NY where a Republic...Read full story
Congress Moves to Lift Marijuana Restrictions
The House and Senate are putting out an additional phase 5 legislation to help Americans reduce stress while facing long term "stay at home policies". "Hell, I can get joints like they were legal anyway," said Senator "The Turtle" McConnell, of Ke...Read full story
Congress Invites Queen Elizabeth II to Assume Presidency
Washington D.C.: In the first bilateral effort since the inception of the United States, Republicans and Democrats have unanimously decided to install British Queen Elizabeth II as the next president after Obama leaves office. "Let's be honest: Sh...Read full story
Congress Unmasked As Lizard-People: "It All Makes Sense Now."
Washington D.C.-Earlier this morning, an internal investigation conducted by the NSA revealed that almost all Senators and Congressmen are disguised lizard-people, causing Americans everywhere to smack themselves in the head, exclaim "Oh, duh!" and b...Read full story
Jeb Bush to Run for President of the U.S.
To Jeb Bush, brother of George. W. Bush on his announcement to stand for the presidency of the U.S., numerous greetings and best wishes have been flooding in. Well-wishers include Halliburton, Citibank, Chase Bank, World Bank, Barclay's Bank, the...Read full story