Written by Doppelbock

Tuesday, 12 June 2012

image for Congressional Booster Club Raises $1400 for New Ties

WASHINGTON, D.C. (AP Newsliar) -- The U.S. Congressional Booster Club, run by the mothers of currently sitting U.S. representatives and senators, has raised $1400 in funding towards the purchase of new ties.

"Many of our little darlings are still wearing those horrible thin ties that were popular in the early 80's, and a few even wear paisley," said Mildred Bingaman, mother of New Mexico senator Jeff Bingaman. "It's just embarrassing. Most of us think this fundraiser is long overdue."

But the Booster Club's efforts have not been without controversy. Many among D.C.'s in-crowd have grown tired of supporting so many fundraising activities.

"I swear, if I have to buy one more container of cookie dough I'm going to puke," said Hazel Brock-Tester, aunt of Montana senator John Tester. "I already had to buy a frigging coupon book from my grandson for the D.C. Legal Aid society. Enough already!"

A few congressional mothers deem the fundraiser unnecessary.

"My little shnookums Jim-Jim looks splendid in any tie you put on him," says Edna Matheson, mother of Utah representative Jim Matheson. "And who cares, anyway? Thin ties are coming back in style."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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