Nancy Pelosi arrested for criminal damage

Written by Cleopatra Chaos

Friday, 7 February 2020

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"I love you guys and really want to be friends with Nancy and the Democrats"

Speaker of the House of Representatives, Nancy Pelosi, was taken into police custody for criminal damage yesterday, after it was revealed that she had systematically torn up a copy of President Trump's State of the Union speech.

The elderly felon, who recently tried to have Trump thrown out of office for asking the leader of Ukraine for a favour, is said to have planned the heinous crime in advance by making test tears on the edges of the document, which she then violently ripped during the address to the nation. Viewers watching the event were shocked by the expression on Pelosi’s face, described by some as “a sickening grin” and by others as “a snarl”.

President Trump, who is widely known for his timid personality, was shocked at finding out that his speech had been torn up. “I’ve tried to reach out to Nancy”, he said, adding, wiping a tear from his eye, “but I think she hates me. I wish it weren’t so.”

Political commentators on Fox News revealed that some of Pelosi’s colleagues have used expletive-laden words to describe the President. “Congresswoman Rashida Tlaib has called him a ‘motherfucker’”, said anchorwoman Martha MacCallum.

Meanwhile, Pelosi has reportedly hired ambulance-chasing attorney Alan Dershowitz to represent her in court. Dershowitz, a Harvard professor, who is well known for agreeing to argue anything that helps get his client off, claims that the founding fathers must have intended that politicians must be above the law (unless he is prosecuting them).

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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