The Trumps Talk About Killing Elephants, Pedophilia, and Crazy Nancy
President Trump and his two boys had a very rare meeting to discuss politics last Tuesday. The offspring had an alcoholic drink, and the President, a teetotaler, ordered some fried chicken. Trump earlier had a dinner of two Big Macs, fried chicken...
Read full storyTrump Threatens To Withhold Drowning Michigan Funds
Donald Trump is threatening to withhold drowning Michigan emergency funding. After two of Michigan’s dams failed, 10,000 citizens had to flee to higher ground, and one city is under ten feet of water. So Donald J. Trump is now threatening to deny...
Read full storyLocal Man Regretting Penis Extension
Area man, Floyd Woodsmonkey, has told friends that he regrets having a recent penis extension, and has advised others to think hard and long before they embark on a similar venture. "If I could turn back time, I would," said Woodsmonkey to gather…
Read full storyYoga: The Eternal Struggle
Experts have admitted that regular yoga classes can improve people’s health and mental wellbeing, with thousands of drooling perverts enthusiastically agreeing. Mike Roman, 47, from Chesum Under Pie, said: "I totally agree with the results of this...
Read full storyCOVID-19: Man Panicked After Touching His Face
A man who is completely au fait with every one of the government's anti-Coronavirus precautions, and strictly adheres to them, had a crisis earlier this afternoon, when he unwittingly and inadvertently touched his own face. This was after touching...
Read full storyInsightful Therapist Probes Client's Childhood Memories for Source of Her Neurotic Aversion to Government Surveillance
“Did you have a major privacy violation as a child or teenager, like maybe someone sneaking into your room and reading your diary?” asked therapist Christina Carter, probing for the source of her client’s expressed reservations about the prospect of...
Read full storyIvanka Trump Fears That Her Daddy May Have The Coronavirus
BALTIMORE – The first daughter, Ivanka Trump, was in Baltimore visiting one of her favorite cousins this week. She was asked by reporters how she was feeling. She softly asked "Why, what have you heard?" One reporter said that most of the media...
Read full storyMelania Trump Says That She Is Becoming a Bit Concerned About The President’s Very Close Relationship with Sean Hannity
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Melania Trump recently told her husband’s attorney that she is really worried about his unhealthy close relationship with Fox News reporter, Sean Hannity. The first lady told Segundo Juarez that the POTUS scrotus is so stressed...
Read full storyPolice in New Orleans Confiscate A Stripper’s Pole They Say Was Infested With The C-19 Flu Virus
NEW ORLEANS - Local authorities have just announced that they were tipped off about a strip club that was operating under very lax conditions. Lt. Benzell Keckle, with the NOPD, said that the club called The Booby Trap, had just recently opened, a...
Read full storyThe Reason Why Tens of Millions of American’s Want Trump To Keep on Taking Hydroxychloroquine and For Pence to Keep Going Maskless
NEW YORK CITY – Many US newspapers, as well as news agencies, are perfectly fine with President Donald Trump and Vice-President Pence continuing to go maskless, and for Trumpski to keep on popping those Hydroxychloroquine pills. The Pocatello Gazi...
Read full storyNorthern City To Undergo Namechange
In a rare dramatic event in East Yorkshire, council officials have, this morning, announced that the city of Kingston upon Hull is to undergo a namechange that will "more appropriately reflect the city's long history and cultural heritage, as well as...
Read full storyHuman resources department institutes epic ass-covering measures in response to pandemic
Essential worker, Ben, was slightly taken aback one morning when he attempted to log on to his work computer and was greeted with a series of statements with which he had to agree before completing log-in. “It said things like, 'I’ve not had a fev...
Read full storyPole-dance and strip club controversy rocks US with Mr. Fauci cautioning
With the US in various stages of “opening up,” Wyoming yesterday led the field into daring new areas of freedom. It is now possible in Wyoming to go to a strip and pole-dance palace, despite rules and imprecations to remain under house arrest.
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