Pole-dance and strip club controversy rocks US with Mr. Fauci cautioning

Funny story written by joseph k winter

Thursday, 21 May 2020

image for Pole-dance and strip club controversy rocks US with Mr. Fauci cautioning
Dancers wear gloves and masks and the pole is cleansed throughout the evening

With the US in various stages of “opening up,” Wyoming yesterday led the field into daring new areas of freedom.

It is now possible in Wyoming to go to a strip and pole-dance palace, despite rules and imprecations to remain under house arrest.

Clubs must make sure club personnel wear masks, plus wash their hands with the fervor of Lady Macbeth.

The pole is regularly and thoroughly cleansed. NO lap dances are permitted.

As we now know, science has conducted studies determining the exact distance one must keep from another's droplets.

It is not six feet, six inches, nor five feet three inches; it is precisely six feet in which the droplets confine themselves to roaming their territory looking for something to infest.

Now, a lap dance?

No, absolutely not. What about lowering a dancer above the uplifted face of the customer, dangling to a borderline six feet separation? The courts must decide.

Also, clubs must have a sign outside the door: "Recreate responsibly!”

These developments have brought new controversy and bitter indecisiveness.

Trump: Well, I know of no science involved in this, what with bare faces up against ah bare assets—but ,of course, masked!

Fauci: No, no, no. There's nothing safe here. Imagine an atmosphere of bar, liquor, stripping, pole-dancing (btw I personally have never attended such a place ha ha!).

Trump: Well, I must say Wyoming here is the leading edge. Americans are an exuberant type of people. We like to get up and out, you know.

Fauci: You see all of that has nothing to do with the problem! Death stalks this country! He looks in every window of every abode, every apartment, every place of business--every night! This is what we must stop! And if it means sacrificing a few things like the constitution and the economy--well, so what?.

Despite the pessimism, Wyoming reports an economic uptick with further sparkling ideas under development.

Elsewhere in the US, a sanitized, tent-type entryway to a supermarket has emerged from brilliant innovators on the scene.

The customer wheels his cart throught the aperture and is sprayed with disinfectant, prior to entering the store..

The Wyoming spin on this:

The customer enters through a tunnel (resembling the female flower in early design notions, so far) and is sprayed by disinfectant. This would allow lap dancing.

A meeting of governors is currently being scheduled in case these ideas may help boost population morale and increase state coffers.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more