Experts have admitted that regular yoga classes can improve people’s health and mental wellbeing, with thousands of drooling perverts enthusiastically agreeing. Mike Roman, 47, from Chesum Under Pie, said:
"I totally agree with the results of this study, and I don’t normally agree with studies, because, as everyone knows: studying equals Communism. I have been watching participants in yoga classes through steamed glass windows for a number of years now, and I feel better than ever!"
He did some lunges in his trenchcoat as a couple of pensioners heading to bingo passed us. He licked his lips slowly, as they went about their business, and blew an air kiss once they’d passed.
He smelt his fingers, before continuing:
"There’s nothing better for my mental health than peering in at people in tight-fitting clothes, contorting themselves into all sorts of positions and improving themselves….spiritually…."
He shuddered. Like something had been released, but we’d spoken to enough dudes inside railway station toilets to know not to ask any questions we didn’t want to know the answers to.
He looked baleful, like an evil undersea creature, cold and perverted, but lacking fins. He said:
"As for my physical fitness, I’ve never felt better. Nothing gets your blood pumping quicker than an angry partner chasing you through a car park, waving an aerial he’s just ripped off a stationary motorbike. It’s the best workout since the speed masturbation sessions to Mr Motivator I used to get involved in."