Trump Says: Get Me Out Of Here
Trying in every which way, Donald J. Trump, really, (as Sally Field might say) wants to get out of the White House. The job is too hard. The presidency, being head of state, all that Hail To The Chief music, the Secret Service, morning briefings, wea...
Read full storyNew York Governor Cuomo: 164 Sudden Covid Deaths, Bullet Holes Aside
New York Governor, Andrew Cuomo, requests money from the rest of America to cover "Rapid Covid-19 deaths" in New York City. Cuomo stated, "these people were in perfect health until struck down by a new classification of 'Sudden Covid Death Syndrom...
Read full storyCDC Joins Forces With Mosquito Joe for Targeted Virus Control
As a number of states begin to loosen up their COVID-19 lockdowns, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has partnered with extermination service Mosquito Joe to help people rid their backyards of the coronavirus and other pests that could p...
Read full storyTrump Gets All-Clear From Tax Auditors
After three years of delay after delay after delay in submitting his tax and financial records for audit, President Donald Trump has, this morning received the all-clear thumbs-up from the Inland Revenue Service (IRS), who have commented that he has,…
Read full storySeveral Republican Groups Vow To Make Sure President Trump Is a One-Term President
CHICAGO – The more that Donald Trump speaks, the more that the Electoral College winner sticks his size 13 shoe in his ever-lying mouth. Three anti-Trump Republican groups are promising to make sure that the Tweet Creep becomes a one-term presiden...
Read full storyAmerican Idol Crowns 'Just Sam' the 2020 Winner!
HOLLYWOOD – Twenty-year-old former New York City subway singer 'Just Sam' has just been named the 2020 American Idol winner. One of the songs she sang was the Roberta Flack classic “Hey, Bro, Don’t Cha Be Touchin’ My Booty, Lessen You Wanna Get Yo...
Read full storyMelania is Insisting That The President Sleep With His Mask On
WASHINGTON, D.C. – A White House insider believed to be one of the cooks, has said that the first lady and the president are starting to have some big-time shouting matches. It appears that Melania wants the president to wear a medical mask when h...
Read full storyThe California Senate Votes to Keep Donald Trump’s Name off the State’s Presidential Ballot in November
SACRAMENTO - In a move that many are calling gutsy, the California state senate has voted to keep President Trump's name off the November ballot. The vote passed by an overwhelming margin of 197 to 3. State senator, Enrique Mintinlooper, told rep...
Read full storyJoe Biden solves problem of being of being Overly Frisky and Friendly
Joe Biden's exceptionally friendly nature around women has been analyzed, and the mystery has been unveiled through an expert team of ophthalmologists. Modern medicine has breached the dilemma of Joe's forward nature, and deflated his overly-ambi...
Read full storyMan Left Job After One Day As He Wanted To Kill Two Of His Colleagues
A man has revealed how, many moons ago, he was left with no choice but to abandon a position of employment after just one day in the job, when he realised that, by turning up at his work on the second day might result in the deaths of two of his coll...
Read full storyMumsers: Why Shoe Salesmen Die Young
BILLINGSGATE POST: Most men know a mumser or two. Even though they may not know what a mumser is, they will immediately be able to identify one, once they understand the characteristics framing them. Especially if they ever sold women’s shoes. Bu...
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