Where Is General Trump?
Ever see a general skip a war? Tell his privates that they were in charge? That they should fight the battle? Announce he was just there as a backup? And then back up into his tent, abandoning his command, and, instead of taking charge, fight another...
Read full storyA Limerick For The Ages
BILLINGSGATE POST: To call this just another limerick would be akin to calling World War II just another war, Secretariat just another horse, or the Hope Diamond just another rock. To celebrate the publishing of this new and never-before-seen limeri...
Read full storyJoe Biden Reveals Action Items for His Expected Presidency
In an exclusive interview with Dork Jiggleflab of the Wilmington, DE, “Credit Card Extortion Daily News,” candidate ‘Sleepy Joe’ Biden roused himself from a morning nap long enough to outline some of the key actions he’ll take when he assumes the man...
Read full storyMore Kaczynski- Lewinsky Limericks
BILLINGSGATE POST: I am being deluged by reader requests for more (and better) limericks. This is appalling. However, because it reflects more on the character of the reader than the writer, the apparent lack of discretionary taste that separates ma...
Read full storyPeeping Tom Thrives as Millions Are Ordered to Shelter in Place
As millions throughout the country are ordered to hunker down at home due to the COVID-19 pandemic, one group is benefiting greatly from the widespread shelter-in-place advisories: peeping Toms. "Not to sound creepy, but they're sitting ducks," sa...
Read full storyThe Self-Isolation guide to Daytime television
So, it is 11.30pm in the morning, you have just emerged, your pyjamas are in the wash, and you don't want to reach the peak of your day too soon (a meander out of the house for half an hour), so what delights are there for you to endure? Other tha...
Read full storyWoman intrigued by man walking past her window
Since she is now in lock-down, Hull-based hairdresser, Donna Brassingthwaite, is finding a man walking past her house increasingly intriguing. She told us: 'I watch him walk past my door every morning at about 11.30pm. Obviously, he could have bee...
Read full storyPenis Jokes: the Problem and the Cure
As a spoof writer, Geoff Todger likes penis jokes. He gets his out at any opportunity, and stuffs it into every story, regardless of whether it is related to penises or not. "I usually love to show off my penis jokes. No matter what I'm writing ab...
Read full storyCoronary Heart Disease Patients Worried Their Condition Sounds Like Coronavirus
Patients suffering from coronary heart disease have said they are concerned that their illness sounds too much like the Coronavirus, and the unfortunate similarity is making them nervous. Sixteen sufferers from Coventry also said that its allocate...
Read full storyConnecticut To Limit Social Gatherings to Only Two People (But Both Must Be Married and To Each Other)
HARTFORD, Connecticut – The governor, acting on thousands of emails, text messages, phone calls, and a suggestion from his mother-in-law, has just implemented a new social gathering manifesto. He said that, effective at 12:25 am, he will be limiti...
Read full storyLaredo, Texas Has Just Passed The Strictest Coronavirus Medical Mask Law in the Entire Nation
LAREDO, Texas – The city known as “La Queen on the Rio Grande” has just passed a law that has a lot of its residents yelling out just about every curse word in the book, both in English and in Spanish. Laredo Chief of Police, Paquito “El Torito” M...
Read full storyThe New England Patriots Plane Travels To China and Returns with N95 Medical Masks, Fortune Cookies, and Frozen Crab Rangoon Dinners
BOSTON – New England Patriots owner, Robert Kraft, is being hailed as a hero in his home state of Massachusetts, the birth state of Paul Revere, Edgar Allan Poe, and Tarzan. The Boston Addresser-Chronicle reports that Kraft talked to Chinese leade...
Read full storyCoronavirus COVID-19: What Does It Want?
As the worldwide pandemic starts to unfold, and the Coronavirus continues to do its dirty work right across the globe, some in the scientific community are hard at work trying to establish just what it is that the virus wants, and why it hasn't alrea...
Read full storyProduction on Sylvester Stallone’s Latest Movie: “Rocky IX – The Viagra Years” Has Been Postponed Indefinitely
HOLLYWOOD – Word filtering out of Tinsel Town is that Sylvester Stallone is very disappointed that production on his last Rocky film (#9) has been postponed due to the C-19 pandemic. Macadamia Honeysuckle, a reporter with LaLaLand Daily spoke with...
Read full storyMan Has Been Finding Things To Do During Lockdown
A man who has been accused of thinking so far outside the box, that the box can no longer be seen without the aid of binoculars, has told friends he has been busying himself trying to find things to occupy his mind during the Coronavirus lockdown.
Read full storyMan Got Up In Middle Of Night With Bout Of Diarrhoea
Waking up during the night isn't much fun, especially if one is in desperate need of some good rest, and, when this happens, it can be extremely annoying. Imagine the irritation, then, of one man, in the early hours of Thursday morning, who awoke...
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