Man Has Been Finding Things To Do During Lockdown

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Friday, 3 April 2020

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Did I say 'Hull' or 'Hell'? Idle hands earlier

A man who has been accused of thinking so far outside the box, that the box can no longer be seen without the aid of binoculars, has told friends he has been busying himself trying to find things to occupy his mind during the Coronavirus lockdown.

Myke Woodson, of Hull, in East Yorkshire, laughed as he confessed to his pals that, for his first trick, he had started a fire in a derelict woodyard, then, after alerting the fire brigade, rained stones upon them from a safe vantage point nearby.

Next on his list of 'Corona time-fillers' was an incident where the lout stood at a bus stop with his hand out requesting the vehicle to stop, and when it did, he hurled two eggs into the driver's cab, leaving the unfortunate public service worker with egg on his face.

He also recounted how he and a friend faked an 'accident' involving a bicycle, and asked a member of the public to call for an ambulance, casually walking away once a crew of medics had been scrambled.

On another occasion, using a high-powered rifle with telescopic infrared sighting, he spent a day shooting out the tyres of cars whose drivers were flaunting the social-distancing rules. Once the driver and passengers had got out of the vehicles, he took out the windscreens as well.

Then he shot a few starlings.

He chuckled as he explained how easy it had been to con an old lady out of £50, when he knocked at her door claiming to be from the council, and asking her if she needed any groceries from the supermarket.

The lockdown was proving to be so much fun, he enthused.

Said Woodson:

"You know what they say about idle hands."

Last night, a group of local police officers were playing 'Spin the Bottle' to decide who was going to stamp on his neck once he had been apprehended.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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