Peeping Tom Thrives as Millions Are Ordered to Shelter in Place

Funny story written by Chrissy Benson

Friday, 3 April 2020

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With millions sheltering in place, it’s "nonstop primetime T.V." for voyeurs like Ken W. of Queens.

As millions throughout the country are ordered to hunker down at home due to the COVID-19 pandemic, one group is benefiting greatly from the widespread shelter-in-place advisories: peeping Toms.

"Not to sound creepy, but they're sitting ducks," said longtime peeper Ken W. of Queens, New York. "It’s like nonstop primetime T.V."

Ken, who emphasized that his voyeuristic pastime is solely visual and not harmful to anyone, explained that people used to be out and about so much, that often when he peeked through windows, there wasn’t much to see. Now, though, he reports that cabin fever has produced some fabulous family drama. "And not to be graphic, but lots of sex," he said, chuckling. “I mean, why not? Good for them – and really good for me.”

Ken made a point of noting that, as a socially-conscious individual, he continues to respect social distance – as he has always done. “The coronavirus can’t be transmitted through windows,” he said. “I made sure of that.”

He added that he hopes that others, too, will take this period of self-isolation as a chance to refocus on pastimes they enjoy. “It’s a weird time, but having a hobby goes a long way."

Ken made clear, of course, that he would never have wished a mass pandemic on anyone. Nevertheless, he admitted that he is not above utilizing the "safer at home" situation to his own advantage. "We have to take our opportunities where we find them," he said. “Like everyone else, I’m just doing the best I can to get through this, one day at at time."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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