HARTFORD, Connecticut – The governor, acting on thousands of emails, text messages, phone calls, and a suggestion from his mother-in-law, has just implemented a new social gathering manifesto.
He said that, effective at 12:25 am, he will be limiting public social gatherings to just two individuals of the opposite sex.
The governor stressed that those two individuals must be married. He then added that they will be required to have some sort of identification that proves that the two are, in fact, married to each other.
He stressed that, if a couple is found to be not married, both culprits (his word) will be frisked, handcuffed, put in the back of a squad car, and hauled off to the nearest Police Station, no matter how much of a bribe they offer the arresting officer.
The governor said that this new public social gathering policy will not only help to make everyone safe, it will also deliver a blow to the vast amount of Connecticut citizens who are cheating on their spouses.
One highly-respected injury lawyer, Perry “Ouch” Grubbinski, informed the governor that his ruling could border on defying the habeas corpus-ipso facto clause.
The governor paused for a moment and replied, “Hey, ‘Ouchy’, habeas corpus-ipso facto this!”