Ted Kaczynski Finds Rebirth and New Relevance in Shadow of Coronavirus Pandemic
(ADX Florence, Colorado) Ted Kaczynski, also known as the “Unabomber” for his twenty-year domestic terrorism record of sending explosive bombs to random people and penning a 35,000-word essay against technology, has found a new relevance in this age...
Read full storyGove The Wildman
So what we thought was quarantine, was, in fact, house arrest, but that little tag on our ankle hasn't stopped the UK's most feared news team from sniffing out the truth. So here is the truth. Loyal Conservative flesh bag, Michael Gove, came ou...
Read full storySpoof Writing Professors Give False Hope To Low-Ranking Authors
In an effort to boost the confidence of low-ranking writers on the popular humor site The Spoof, renowned comedy experts Professor Clive Danton and the illustrious Dr. Billingsgate are sadly giving writers an inaccurate perception of their comedy tal...
Read full storyNobody watching live casts from Leicester Dust Museum
Despite putting nearly £9.00 into the Marketing budget, nobody has visited the live broadcast from Leicester's world-famous dust museum. Museum spokesman, Dusty Buckets, told us: 'It is really sad that no-one has visited yet. We have had Dave, wit...
Read full storyYet More Letters to the Editor About Coronavirus
Dear Sir, I seen on Farcebooke video what that porstman with the lickine his fingures. Then. Smered is spit all ovure the old ladie's' lettuer box and door frame's. Anyways luke at the nose on it. With a no'se like that his obvs a fuckin Musli...
Read full storyMan Experienced The Sound Of Silence
A man who traipsed all the way to his brother-in-law's house, way out in the countryside, where very few people live, has told of how he became very bored very quickly, and withdrew to a field, where, at first hand, he encountered the sound of silenc...
Read full storyStu Francis has now crushed all of the grapes
Crackerjack Host and former friend of the Krankies and Basil Brush, 1980s television icon, Stu Francis, has revealed that he has now crushed all of the grapes in his house. 'I always thought that there was an inexhaustible supply of grapes, but it...
Read full storyCDC Warns that Coronavirus May Linger on Petals So Don’t Stop and Smell the Roses
Cautioning that the novel coronavirus can linger on surfaces like flower petals for up to 17 hours, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention warned people not to stop and smell the roses, even though they could die at any moment from COVID-19.
Read full storyWoman Looking forward to repeats of My Family
Tracy Brassingthwaite, a 35-year-old barmaid at the Ferret and Flat Cap in Mithering on the Trent, has claimed that she is looking forward to watching the first episode of television old, 'My Family', when it is repeated on Friday night on BBC1. '...
Read full storyPresident Trump Wants His Base to Donate Their Coronavirus Stimulus Checks To His Re-Election Campaign
WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Trump stated at his daily C-19 Press Conference/Campaign Pep Rally that he hopes everyone appreciates that he has just given them a very nice monetary present. Trump stuck out his chest and said that he wants to show h...
Read full storyCondom Sales Are At An All-Time High
CHICAGO – The Coronavirus has really changed the way a lot of people are doing a lot of things. People are having to shelter-in-place, self-isolate, stay home, hide in the closet, and practice safe-distancing. The Condom Council of North Americ...
Read full storyThe Duck Dynasty Amusement Theme Park to Shut Down Due to the Coronavirus
WEST MONROE, Louisiana – Phil Robertson the patriarch of the famed Duck Dynasty clan has just informed the media that, after 5 years, the famous amusement park will be shutting down. Robertson stated that, with the spread of the Coronavirus, it ha...
Read full storyFood Banks State That They Will No Longer Be Giving Out Beer, Cigarettes, or Sushi
LOS ANGELES – Just since the start of COVID-19 thousands of food banks have sprouted up all over the nation, with California leading the way with 809 (at last count). Some food banks, like the one in La Brea, home of the world-famous Tar Pits, are...
Read full storyImmigrants are Jumping The Border Wall and Returning Home at a Record Rate
EL PASO – The Immigration and Customs Enforcement Agency has just released some amazing statistics. They are pointing out that, just since the Coronavirus hit the USA, the amount of illegal immigrants who are opting to return to their homes south...
Read full storyTrump Moves To Solve Toilet Paper Shortage, Uses War Powers Act to Order 300 Million Squat Toilets
Donald Trump has ordered Avon to construct 300 million Asian squat toilets for the American public to use, in lieu of solving the toilet paper shortage by ordering more factories to output toilet paper lines. In many countries that use squat toilets,...
Read full storyMrs Bridges from Upstairs Downstairs schooled me in love says Vigo Mortensen
Danish/American heartthrob actor, Vigo Mortensen, has told a showbiz mag that Mrs Bridges, the formidable cook out of the popular 70s period drama, Upstairs Downstairs, engaged in a steamy romp with the young actor during a brief stay in London in 19...
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