Trump Moves To Solve Toilet Paper Shortage, Uses War Powers Act to Order 300 Million Squat Toilets

Written by JinoLeFeeto

Sunday, 19 April 2020

image for Trump Moves To Solve Toilet Paper Shortage, Uses War Powers Act to Order 300 Million Squat Toilets
Avon flushing? CEO clogs up Trump's idea

Donald Trump has ordered Avon to construct 300 million Asian squat toilets for the American public to use, in lieu of solving the toilet paper shortage by ordering more factories to output toilet paper lines. In many countries that use squat toilets, toilet paper is not used in favor of washing everything on the spot.

"My committee on supplies told me this would be the best in the long run, since it would go a long way to preparing us for the next pandemic," said Trump, at the Saturday Covid-19 briefing.

"But, sir, why Avon the cosmetic company?" asked a reporter.

"Because they aren't very busy at the moment, and they have a nationwide sales force with pink cadillacs who can go around delivering and installing the toilets for people. We thought it was a perfect match, just a perfect solution."

Avon CEO, Abigail VanBuren, could not be reached for comment, but an official release said, "Avon has no manufacturing capacity, so we don't really know what this a'hole is talking about. We wish to thank our customers in this time of crisis for continuing to work with us in our online environment."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more