Donald Trump has ordered Avon to construct 300 million Asian squat toilets for the American public to use, in lieu of solving the toilet paper shortage by ordering more factories to output toilet paper lines. In many countries that use squat toilets, toilet paper is not used in favor of washing everything on the spot.
"My committee on supplies told me this would be the best in the long run, since it would go a long way to preparing us for the next pandemic," said Trump, at the Saturday Covid-19 briefing.
"But, sir, why Avon the cosmetic company?" asked a reporter.
"Because they aren't very busy at the moment, and they have a nationwide sales force with pink cadillacs who can go around delivering and installing the toilets for people. We thought it was a perfect match, just a perfect solution."
Avon CEO, Abigail VanBuren, could not be reached for comment, but an official release said, "Avon has no manufacturing capacity, so we don't really know what this a'hole is talking about. We wish to thank our customers in this time of crisis for continuing to work with us in our online environment."