Condom Sales Are At An All-Time High

Written by Fannin Fabriano

Sunday, 19 April 2020

image for Condom Sales Are At An All-Time High
A recent survey stated that condoms now come in 43 different colors.

CHICAGO – The Coronavirus has really changed the way a lot of people are doing a lot of things.

People are having to shelter-in-place, self-isolate, stay home, hide in the closet, and practice safe-distancing.

The Condom Council of North America has released some information stating that sales of condoms, or prophylactics as they are called in rich neighborhoods, are at an all-time high.

Sheena Helgenberger, 34, a spokeswoman for the CC of NA, said that condom sales have now surpassed sales of bread, bicycles, beer, and pantiliners, combined.

She remarked that every condom factory in the United States has had to add second and third shifts to keep up with the demand.

She noted that most of the condom producers have had to hire more employees (some legal, some not-so-legal).

Helgenberger stated that the new employees are starting off as condom testers at $19 an hour.

She said that each employee also receives a dozen free condoms each week.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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