Food Banks State That They Will No Longer Be Giving Out Beer, Cigarettes, or Sushi

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Sunday, 19 April 2020

image for Food Banks State That They Will No Longer Be Giving Out Beer, Cigarettes, or Sushi
The food bank volunteers say that the most popular food item are the Famous Amos Cookies.

LOS ANGELES – Just since the start of COVID-19 thousands of food banks have sprouted up all over the nation, with California leading the way with 809 (at last count).

Some food banks, like the one in La Brea, home of the world-famous Tar Pits, are reporting lines as long as 3.2 miles.

The director of the La Brea Food Bank, Winona “Winnie” Wickachek, stated that she has never seen so much automobile exhaust.

Mrs. Wickachek remarked that the food bank opens its doors at 7 am, but said that the lines start forming a full 12 hours before that.

She commented that they have had only had two cases of parking lot rage. One man who was in a wheelchair tried to cut in front of 83 vehicles, and an old woman in a walker began cussing at him.

The man just simply laughed, because she was cussing in Eggrollian Chinese, and he had no idea what the hell she was screaming.

Finally, a police officer escorted the wheelchair bound man to the front of the line. He then returned and threatened to shoot the woman in the walker in her big toe.

Wickachek said that the bulk of the items that they are giving out are bread, milk, eggs, and yogurt.

She did make it known that, due to some complaints, the food bank will no longer be giving out beer, cigarettes, or sushi.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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