Mrs Bridges from Upstairs Downstairs schooled me in love says Vigo Mortensen

Written by Clive Danton

Sunday, 19 April 2020

image for Mrs Bridges from Upstairs Downstairs schooled me in love says Vigo Mortensen

Danish/American heartthrob actor, Vigo Mortensen, has told a showbiz mag that Mrs Bridges, the formidable cook out of the popular 70s period drama, Upstairs Downstairs, engaged in a steamy romp with the young actor during a brief stay in London in 1972.

“I was a shy teenager when I arrived in London for a two-week holiday,” he told Hello. “But thanks to Mrs Bridges, I went home a skilled lover and feeling ten-feet tall.

“It began after Mrs Bridges spotted me in a cafe in Cable Street in East London.

“She came and sat at my table, and began to tell me that she was the cook in Upstairs Downstairs and was making over two-hundred pounds a week.

“She was a big woman, but there was something about her that lit a fire within me, and I didn’t hesitate when she asked me back to her place in Lambeth Palace Road.

“Within minutes of getting inside, we were tearing each other’s clothes off.

“She was still wearing her cook’s outfit, and I had to struggle to undo her pinny at the back.

“Moments later, we were rolling around naked in front of a roaring log fire.

“It seemed like the most natural thing in the world

“At the height of her passion, she kept calling out, “How many for dinner tonight, Mr ‘udson?”

“I left the following morning, after she’d cooked me a hearty breakfast of devilled kidneys, lightly-poached quails eggs, accompanied by petit fours and grilled artichoke hearts in a piquant tomato and basil sauce.

“She taught me to love that night, and, to this very day, if I catch an old episode of Upstairs Downstairs on UK Gold, I have to stumble hurriedly from the room and pleasure myself to completion, my mind filled with fevered thoughts of her ample bosom and delicious whipped creampie.”

Sadly, Mrs Bridges passed away in 1974, but a family member told us that she often spoke fondly of Mortensen, and would remark that he’d probably play Aragorn in Lord Of The Rings, one day.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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