The Duck Dynasty Amusement Theme Park to Shut Down Due to the Coronavirus

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Sunday, 19 April 2020

image for The Duck Dynasty Amusement Theme Park to Shut Down Due to the Coronavirus
A photo of Miss Ali, one of the oldest, most popular, and friendliest gators at the amusement park.

WEST MONROE, Louisiana – Phil Robertson the patriarch of the famed Duck Dynasty clan has just informed the media that, after 5 years, the famous amusement park will be shutting down.

Robertson stated that, with the spread of the Coronavirus, it has become more and more difficult to attract visitors.

He said that the attendance has gone from 1,300 a day down to just 17, or so.

He added that they had even slashed the one-day admission ticket prices from $89 for adults and $82 for kids, down to $2 for adults and 45 cents for kids.

'Rob' said that he hates to have to lay-off every one of the 713 employees, but he did point out that he will be giving each and everyone a Walmart gift certificate for $35, as well as a genuine Duck Dynasty Duck Whistle.

Over the five years that the amusement park was in operation, the Live Gator Ride was by far the park’s biggest attraction.

Robertson pointed out that, in those five years, they had six people get bit by the gators. He noted that two of those who got bit had been warned by park employees not to taunt the gators, but the hard-headed fellas did it anyway.

Miss Kay, who is Robertson’s wife, said that she feels sorry for all of the little kid visitors who absolutely loved the park’s petting zoo which included crawfish, harmless snakes, bayou beavers, and baby gators.

Phil Robertson, who is a die-hard President Trump supporter, remarked that he recently spoke with the president, and was assured that the park would be back in operation before The Indianapolis 500 Race.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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