Tom Jones In Sex Change Shocker
Sometimes headlines write themselves and here's one of those.Superstar and ladies heartthrob Tom Jones has bamboozled the medical world and undergone a sex-change.Welsh Crooner Jones, 84, is now a 22 year old Venezuelan supermodel. Speaking from a...
Read full storyMichaela Tabb - now there's a woman referee with balls of steel!
The Crucible, Sheffield - (Pot Black): It's probably the nation's toughest male-dominated sport and Michaela Tabb is its undisputed queen. Her meteoric rise from women's eight-ball pool champ to refereeing the 2009 World Snooker Championship final...
Read full storyEx-MSNBC Anchor Keith Olbermann Signs Contract to Become a Human Punching Bag for FOX News
Stan Phillips, undersecretary for evil deviousness and delusional broadcasting for Fox News, announced today that Keith Olbermann has signed a huge contract to become a "human punching bag" for various Fox News on air celebrities. Phillips reveal...
Read full storyJo Yeates: Bristol Police Foil Vincent Tabak Escape Bid
Late reports are coming in to the news desk of an attemtpted escape, by Jo Yeates murder suspect Vincent "the jackal" Tabak. Police cordoned off a large section of the Bristol area today to ensure he could not make a getaway. Police are still act...
Read full storyKing's Peach or True Grits? Foodie flavored movies top Oscar nominations
Hollywood - (Gongs): The award proposals follow the spectacular success of A Feastfull of Dollars, The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Dessert, The Avi Ate 'Er, Babette's Fist (sic), Gone With The Wind, A Man For All Seasonings (1939), Silence...
Read full storyABC Announces Regis' Replacement: "Live With Jedward and Kelly" Premieres February 7th
Floundering third-rate television network ABC --responsible for such news/talk sh-twads as Carol and Marilyn: Real Friends, The Dick Cavett Show, Mike and Maty, The Wayne Brady Show and Playboy After Dark Featuring Harry Reasoner-- has announced the...
Read full story'Gray' Tuesday for Andy as he is sacked by Sky
Andy Gray has been sacked by Sky after his somewhat sexist comments about a bird expected to officiate at a football match! Yes, you may need to read that first line twice and yes, it does say the words bird (implying female), officiate and footba...
Read full storyKeith Olbermann Update
Keith Olbermann - Former news anchor Keith Olbermann formally denounced the "death" of his career on Twitter. Three days after his abrupt departure from NBC's "Countdown With Keith Olbermann," the former host wrote: "It's not what it looks like...
Read full storyTaylor Swift Embarrassed as Stuffing Falls Out of Bra During Show
It had been a great night for singing and a lively cheering crowd got an extra bonus when members of the Def Leopard rock group showed up to sing with Taylor Swift during the last ten minutes of her performance in St Louis Monday night. Right up...
Read full storyJustin Bieber, Ricky Gervais, Robert Pattison, Howard Stern To Host 2011 Academy Awards.*
Nominations for the 83rd Academy Awards were announced today, by Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences President Heidi Montag and 2009 Oscar winner Mo'Nique. Fluffytits and Mo'Nique, who won an Academy® Award® for her supporting pe...
Read full storyJo Yeates Murder Suspect: Trial Could Be Held At Hague
Brussels was today a hive of activity amid reports that Jo Yeates Suspect Vince "the jackal" Tabak could be tried at the Hague. The announcement caused shock and disbelief across the British media this evening. Information is very scarce at the...
Read full storySky Sports sack sexist footy expert Andy Gray for fancying female referee!
Sky footy commentator, Andy Gray, has been sacked because he made a few "sexist" comments about female referee, Sian Massey at a premier league game in December. He and his colleague, Richard Keys, were caught with their pants down over an open mi...
Read full storyTanja Morson's alibi - an open and shut case
Bristol - (Smoke N Mirrors): "Well, it's hardly a vanity case, folks, more like steel-reinforced emotional baggage!" regulars at the Bristol Ram concurred tonight. Their chatter comes amid rumors that Tanja Morson's boyfriend Vince Tabak may add...
Read full storyOprah Shocker: The Unemployed and Uneducated Still Give A Sh-t About Her.
Attention, any one of the 22.5 million people that watched The Oprah Winfrey Show yesterday, when she shocked viewers when she introduced her long-lost half-sister Patricia --whom she's known about since November, 2009-- in order to boost her ratings and ad-rates going into the March mini-sweeps ratings period: You. Were. Exploited. Indeed, you: Women who are only 15 years older than their...
Read full story"Women can be referee assistants, so long as they're skinny" says Kenneth Tong.
Kenneth Tong wade into the Sky Sports row yesterday after commenting that women can "become assistant referees, as long as they're skinny". Both Richard Key and Andy Gray have been much maligned for numerous sexist comments, including Key allege...
Read full storyTaylor Swift and Jake Gyllenhaal Back Together Again And Seen Canoodling At Guido's Hot Dog Shack #7 In Downtown Brooklyn
BROOKLYN - It was reported on the nationally syndicated television news program Tittle Tattle Tonight last night that country sweetheart Taylor Swift and Hollywood bad boy Jake Gyllenhaal have rekindled their romance. The once again 'happy couple...
Read full storyDirect line of descent from the Puritans, through the Victorians, to the current Politically Correct Thought Police.
Witch Hunt, London: England is in the grip of a 'hunt' to route out those who think "women don't know the offside rule". In a matter of a few days, the nation is in the grip of a crusade to ensure that, those 'creatures' who can't cook in the kitch...
Read full storyAndy Gray gets Red Card
Sky sports presenter, Andy Gray has been sent packing after a second bookable offence. There is new evidence of his 'unacceptable and offensive behaviour' according to Sky, which means he has to go. Together with this a third Sky sports member, An...
Read full storyWoman Embroilled in Football Row
The football world was thrown into turmoil following 25 year old Sian Massey's appearance on the touchline at the Wolves versus Liverpool game. She was seen running frantically up and down the line waving a yellow and red checked with matching sho...
Read full storyJustin Bieber Exposes Himself to Crowd!
Teenage singing sensation, Justin Bieber, apparently sick and tired of being dealing with newspaper reporters and fanzines reporting that he is a girl, finally dropped his pants in front of a crowd of them Sunday and told anyone that published a sing...
Read full storyMan spots train
In a week when it was feared that The Local News would have to close its doors for the last time, the situation was dramatically saved when local man Kevin Smally casually mentioned in passing that he had spotted the 12.32 from Rochester yesterday and that it was 3 minutes late! "I had been looking out of my window at the railway line when I saw the train pass" said the dynamic senior citizen.
Read full storyIsrael Announces That Virus Now Affects 100% of Nuclear Weapons Everywhere!
Authorities in Israel say that not only have they succeeded in stopping Iran's nuclear program with a killer computer virus that has infected it completely, the virus has changed and headed out into Cyber space and now infects all countries, includin...
Read full storyTSA Agent Embarrassed After Checking Dolly Parton at Nashville Airport
Singer Dolly Parton came out from where she had just spent almost half an hour being checked by an eighteen-year-old new TSA agent that had delayed the flight. "It was the funniest thing ever", she told fellow passengers who were a little uptight...
Read full storyNicole Kidman and Elton John Surrogacy Births Boost Siemens' Profits
A spate of celebrity surrogacy births has boosted Siemens' profits beyond forecasts. The German company announced that first-quarter profits rose 17 per cent, to 1.79 euros. Revenues were up 12 per cent to 19.49 euros. EIF News & Features b...
Read full storyAndy Gray sacked!
Horror in the world of sports broadcasting today with the revelation that Andy Gray has been sacked by BSkyB, but amazingly, it wasn't clarified that the dismissal was executed over disparaging remarks made off-air about female Referee's Assistant, S...
Read full storyJo Yeates Murder: Police Determined To Make Charges Stick
Following the recent arrest of Jo Yeates murder suspect Vincent Tabak, accusations of case mismanagement and suspect intimidation have been levelled at the Police force. Reports suggest the police have done everything they can to ensure Tabak is p...
Read full storyHornby Train Sales Derailed By Winter Weather
Model train manufacturer Horny has warned that its profits will be below forecasts because of the bad weather before Christmas. The much-loved company, which also owns model racing car system Scalextric and plastic model manufacturer Airfix, says...
Read full storyAndy Murray Wary Of Opponent With So Many 'O's In His Name
Andy Murray insists he will face an extremely tough test when he plays world number 46 Alexandr Dolgopolov for a place in the Australian Open last four, due to the fact that his opponent has an extraordinary number of 'o's in his surname. The Brit...
Read full storyJustin Bieber and Selena Gomez To Sing The National Anthem At Super Bowl XLV (45)
DALLAS - Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones has just announced that Super Bowl XLV (45), which is being held at the $1.2 billion Cowboy Stadium, has signed teen singing sensations Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez to sing the National Anthem before the op...
Read full storyEmanuel Promises Redemption & Resurrection as "More People, Both Dead & Alive, Want Me to be Mayor!"
An unrepentant Rahm Emanuel, seemingly denied his rightful ascension to the Chicago mayoral throne, claims that his write in candidacy will trump any legal proclamations to the contrary saying, "The will of the people, both dead and alive will preva...
Read full storyLocal Pot Smokers Miffed Towns Only All Night Eatery Out of Business
Garden City, Ka. - To fifty-nine year Jason Engle the local Waffle House was a late night oasis. Situated halfway between Garden City and the sleepy hamlet of Lakin on dusty Route Fifty, the all night lights of the restaurant meant his favorite meal...
Read full storyMud Island to close next week
Mud Island - otherwise known as the UK is to close next week. The Government has decided that this is the only way to actually stop spending money. Chancellor George Objectionable Osborne commented "whatever measures we take are not working. We...
Read full storyCharred remains of 'missing zippered holdall' found in Yeates murder probe
Bristol - (Smoke N Mirrors): The North Face-Off golfing bag may be from the His 'N' Hers range that supplied MI6 cryptographer Gareth Williams with his penultimate resting place. The hold-all and the remains of some mittens came to light after pas...
Read full storyState of the Union shocker: Fidel Castro fathered Condoleezza Rice's babe Barry, born in a Cuba cathouse!
Washington - (Gonads): The Old Gipper's gagging order is writ large all over the birth ceritificate, cryogenically sealed in a Pentagon bunker five miles below Seizure's Pal Arse in Nevada. Today a sexagerian cathouse madam in Havana is threatenin...
Read full storyUK Government: Pay Blood Tax Or We Bleed You Dry!
The Tory government today unveiled plans to hit every man woman and child with a compulsory blood tax in order to combat Britain's growing deficit. Ministers agreed yesterday to the government plans, who voted an incredible 94% in favour of the m...
Read full storyAleksander Meerkat Found Dead at Moscow Airport
Entrepreneur, Aleksander Meerkat has been found to be a victim of the Moscow airport bombing today. This would come as quite a shock to many people around the world, not least to his hundreds, if not thousands of brothers, sisters and cousins. It...
Read full storyMan Claims Prostitute Raped Him!
A Knoxville, Tennessee is telling police there that he was raped last night by a prostitute on Kingston Pike. "I never hardly ever get into town as we live on the edge of the Smoky Mountains...you heared of them I'm plum shore? Well, there I was j...
Read full storyHamster Union Strikes Over Forced Felching Incidents
Lawyers for the International Brotherhood of Hamsters announced yesterday that the entire population of pet Hamsters will go on a full activity strike, unless reports of Felching around the globe cease. Terry Beaverton, lawyer and translator for t...
Read full storyRichard Keys and Andy Gray accused of further sexism
More people have come forward accusing Richard Keys and Andy Gray of sexism following comments made this weekend about a female linesman. The first incident involved a 21 year-old waitress at a top London restaurant where Richard Keys and Andy Gra...
Read full storyAndy Gray to get tips from Gordon Brown
Andy Gray is to visit the house of Sian Massey to spend an hour apologising for his and Richard Keys's remarks about her ability to run the line in Premiership football matches. Originally, Gray was going to laugh off the whole incident as mere ba...
Read full storyWhite House Announces NBC Will Be In Charge of Producing State of Union Address Using A Hologram Of Obama Who "Can't Be Arsed!"
For the first time in American History the appearance of the President of the United States before a joint session of Congress will not be as it seems as it was announced Obama will be appearing in the form of a Hologram! A spokesman for NBC, in c...
Read full storyOsborne's Shrink Shock
The UK economy is shrinking, the stock market is stumbling, the pound is falling and it is nothing to do with Government policies. 'What do expect with winter' complained Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne 'it was so cold nobody went out...
Read full storyWhats it all about, Alfie?
I have not got a clue. My life evolves day to day and it changes like the seasons. Put a coat on cos its cold, take a coat off cos its too bleedin hot. But, when is it to hot and when is it to cold? Who the fuck knows. I met a geezer the other day, says he thinks his wife is havin an affair. When he starts to explain where she works and wot she looks like, I realise its me avin it off wiv his o...
Read full storyA new slant on moonlighting
Our intrepid Weeki Leeks undercover reporter has revealed startling evidence that the Archbishop of Canterbury is in fact a pagan priest. Disguised as a morbidly obese female cleaner he waddled into the palace flicking his feather duster about then placed a bug in the most holy of holies, the Archbishops private sitting room. We were forced to undertake such drastic measures because our patente...
Read full storyAndy Gray & Richard Keys Sexist? Well Knock Me Down With A Feather!
A leading feminist has expressed her utter bewilderment at the fuss surrounding Sky Sports presenters Andy Gray and Richard Keys. The pair were pulled from Monday night's presentation of the Bolton-Chelsea match following the embarrassing release...
Read full storyNottingham not severely affected by cutbacks as other parts of the Country
Radio Nottingham this morning broadcast a report from a Mr Rich Sodd, financial analyst with Money, Bags, & Snotts auditors of Nottingham. In the programme, Sodd declared that: "Nottingham has not been affected so detrimentally with the Government cutbacks, increased prices in of food, fuel, commodities and VAT, as many other areas of the country. Our Nottingham Spoof Gazette reporter, D...
Read full storyDavid Cameron denies affair with model Bailey-Jay Granger
British Prime Minister David Cameron has denied having an affair with a famous internet model named Bailey-Jay Granger and said he would resign if he was caught lying about it. Mr Cameron who is well known for trying to build an uncommon personali...
Read full storyAmerican Idol Shocker - Jennifer Lopez Reveals The Personal Reason She Wants To Quit
HOLLYWOOD - Bedroom Pillow Talk's Metzenbaum Kassenbaum has just broken the story that the newest American Idol Judge Jennifer Lopez is reportedly so unhappy with her new AI job that she is seriously thinking about quitting. Jennifer talked to BPT...
Read full storyThe Kim Kardashian Tit Bite Cover Up
ST. BARTS, West Indies - St. Barts' Purple Jellyfish Hotel recently welcomed Kim Kardashian of the TV reality show Growing Up Kardashian. Kim who has recently been involved with NFL football players Reggie Bush of the New Orleans Saints and Miles...
Read full storyObama's State of the Union Speech: Secret Access to What's EXCLUDED
If you think that the U. S. President writes his own State of the Union speech each year, think again. Dozens of speechwriters have been toiling away for weeks at the White House, writing the phrases that will emerge from the Chief Executive's m...
Read full storyFianna Fail leadership contest to be decided by four-way golf match.
A total of four candidates have put themselves forward to contest the leadership of the Fianna Fail Party after the deadline for nominations passed at lunchtime on Monday 24th Jan 2011. Former Foreign Affairs Minister Micheal Martin is the bookies...
Read full storySurvey on Hefner's Marriage
A survey has been conducted by prestigious periodical The Vagina Observer into Hugh Hefner's marriage to the delectable centerfold Crystal Harris. Women from all social strata were asked whether or not they approved of the match. Over 98% percent of girls still at school or college said they would be "embarrassed or ashamed" if Hefner was their grandfather and that Harris was a "slut" and a "g...
Read full storyTaxi Driver Breaks World Land Speed Record
A taxi driver in the Argentine capital of Buenos Aires is celebrating today after breaking the World Land Speed record over a distance of 10 metres. The driver, named by police only as 'Miguel', broke the record when he took flight from his vehicl...
Read full storyHoly Dead Mackeral! Rahm Emanuel Not Eligible to Run For Chi Town Mayor According to 2 Appelate Court Judges Now Missing!
Rahm Emanuel's Chicago Family has reportedly 'gone to the mattresses' after two of three appellate court judges ruled his mayoral bid is bogus due to residency requirements! Emanuel, former Chicago Underboss and US senator, who went on to Washingt...
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