Andy Murray Wary Of Opponent With So Many 'O's In His Name

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Tuesday, 25 January 2011


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image for Andy Murray Wary Of Opponent With So Many 'O's In His Name
Tennis balls are shaped like 'o's, aren't they?

Andy Murray insists he will face an extremely tough test when he plays world number 46 Alexandr Dolgopolov for a place in the Australian Open last four, due to the fact that his opponent has an extraordinary number of 'o's in his surname.

The British fifth seed has yet to drop a set in Melbourne this year, but knows he has his work cut out if he is to overcome the 4-o challenger. Playing against someone with an ungainly name can have an unsettling effect on a player, and Dogopoopoolov will be smirking to himself every time the referee mentions his stupid, distracting moniker.

"He is totally unorthodox," Murray told BBC Scotland, using another word with a lot of 'o's in it.

"He has a strange game and a strange name, and I will have to be ready for a lot of changes in pace and some big winners. He is a talented guy." The last sentence of his statement amazingly did not contain a single 'o' in it, giving rise to speculation amongst Murray's fans that he had used a coded message to them, meaning "He has no chance".

Murray beat Austrian Jurgen Melzer a 6-3 6-1 6-1 after fine earlier wins over Guillermo Garcia-Lopez, Illya Marchenko and Karol Beck. The last of this trio was a woman, but it doesn't matter.

The 23-year-old has yet to concede more than three games in any of his sets so far, and admits he is in good form as he tries to reach the Melbourne final for the second year running. He said:

"I am in good form as I try to reach the Melbourne final for the second year running.

"I am playing very well," added the world number five. "The surface at this tournament is one that I like. The court is a good speed for me. The balls have a good bounce for me. The stadium has a good atmosphere for me. My shorts have a good snugness for me. I can't lose, other than if I play shit.

"With each match I have started to play much better and I have felt more comfortable on the court, but this is the first match I have played against an opponent with as many 'o's in his name as Dogpoopoo. Even the great Jimmy Connors only had two 'o's in his name, and McEnroe and Borg only had one each! Only Yvonne Goolagong can come anywhere near Dogpoopooman in this respect."

Murray's Bucket of Excuses is almost empty.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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