Written by Morse

Tuesday, 25 January 2011

image for Emanuel Promises Redemption & Resurrection as "More People, Both Dead & Alive, Want Me to be Mayor!"
Daley Tentacles May Continue to Hold Power In Chicago After Emanuel Disqualification Double Cross!

An unrepentant Rahm Emanuel, seemingly denied his rightful ascension to the Chicago mayoral throne, claims that his write in candidacy will trump any legal proclamations to the contrary saying, "The will of the people, both dead and alive will prevail on election day!"

Emanuel's quest to be crowned as Chicago Mayor was apparently derailed yesterday when the Appellate court ruled he was ineligible to be on the ballot as he did not meet the residency requirement thereby causing Emanuel to revert to form throwing a 4 letter hysterical fit and promising to have all his attorneys, the judges, and his opponents 'sleep with the fishes!"

Opponents of the former ballet dancer, mossad agent, US Senator and White House Chief of Chaff (sic) said his army of supporters ,backed with almost $12m in campaign 'donations,' have scoured all the local cemeteries and vital statistic bureaus to find another 600 thousand voters to back his run for the gold.

"We thought Daley had found the last of the ghost voters " said a supporter of Carol Mosely Brown, considered a 'dark horse' candidate who had only raised $460k and managed 21% of the vote in a recent poll leading up to the February 22 election," but he's managed to dig up dead people that haven't even been reported diseased let alone buried!"

Election officials are still trying to figure out the nightmare scenario of the write in ballot.
Concerns have been raised about Emanuel's paid constituents not being able to spell his name right, which could cause a 4 month stale mate on posting election results similar to what happened in Alaska with the Miller/Murkowsky election where initially all of Murkowsky's votes were tossed out since no one could spell her name.

Spending some of his $12m war chest, Emanuel's election team recently conducted a survey on the name matter, and the results were conclusive, and not very encouraging to his campaign.

A random selection on the streets of Chicago asking folks to transcribe the write in candidate's name produced 99.9% incorrect spellings or total incomprehension of the question.

Some of the responses proved quite revealing with the most popular being: "Ram Obama", "Say What?'", "Who Dat?", "Voodoo Boy", "Hymie Guy," & "What Election?"

Retiring mayor Richard Daley told reporters this morning, after the elaborate hoax to get Rahm the job imploded, "Hey, I'm here if youse guys need me....Dad would like it if the Daleys continue to rule the family the old fashioned way, hey, we earned it!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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