Taxi Driver Breaks World Land Speed Record

Written by Monkey Woods

Tuesday, 25 January 2011

image for Taxi Driver Breaks World Land Speed Record
Not Miguel, not Buenos Aires, but everything else is the same

A taxi driver in the Argentine capital of Buenos Aires is celebrating today after breaking the World Land Speed record over a distance of 10 metres.

The driver, named by police only as 'Miguel', broke the record when he took flight from his vehicle after he saw a woman who had jumped from the 23rd floor of a restaurant heading straight for the roof of his cab.

Eyewitness said the woman had climbed over a safety barrier and leapt from a restaurant at the top of the Hotel Crown Plaza Panamericano.

It's thought she had taken this extreme action in protest over a lack of taxis in the city.

Miguel said:

"I got out of the cab just before the impact after noticing a policeman looking up towards the restaurant. It was only a second before. I was only 10 metres from the impact. If I had not got out, I would have been killed. It made a terrible noise," he told Radio 10.

Officials at the scene later confirmed that Miguel had actually travelled a distance of 10.83 metres, and that CCTV footage put his time at an absolutely incredible 0.982 seconds, meaning that, not only had the World Land Speed Record Over 10 metres been smashed, but the World 100m Sprint Record (pro rata) had gone as well!

The Hotel Crown Plaza Panamericano overlooks the Obelisk, one of the best known landmarks in Buenos Aires, and is a wonderful place for the world records to be broken, if not for a suicide.

Said a jubilant Miguel later:

"Who's going to pay for the fucking windscreen?"


The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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