American Idol Shocker - Jennifer Lopez Reveals The Personal Reason She Wants To Quit

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Tuesday, 25 January 2011

image for American Idol Shocker - Jennifer Lopez Reveals The Personal Reason She Wants To Quit
J.Lo. says that the American Idol judge's job has made her so nervous she has taken up smoking.

HOLLYWOOD - Bedroom Pillow Talk's Metzenbaum Kassenbaum has just broken the story that the newest American Idol Judge Jennifer Lopez is reportedly so unhappy with her new AI job that she is seriously thinking about quitting.

Jennifer talked to BPT's MetKa and told him that when she first agreed to join AI as a judge she was really and truly excited about being able to help find and develop the next American Idol.

Lopez said that she literally sacrificed her career to become one of the three American Idol judges.

She stated that she passed up making a new album with Ke$ha which would have earned her at least $2 million plus a new Revlon cosmetics contract, and an all-expenses trip for two to Mexico's Cabo San Lucas.

J.Lo pointed out that she also passed up an opportunity to appear with Christina Aguilera and Lady Gaga in Gunther Krottentokker's dance epic motion picture, The Dancing Ex-Ho's of Brooklyn Dance Their Tushes Off In Peoria.

When asked why she wanted to leave AI Lopez got tears in her eyes and said because she hated saying no to the young kids who were putting all their heart and soul into the audition numbers.

She mentioned little 15-year-old Beauregard Souffle, who had ridden a skateboard all the way from Baton Rouge to audition in New Orleans a distance of 80 miles.

She said that the first day, when she got home from the auditions, she threw up, she got a horrible case of diarrhea, and her maid, Socorro asked her, "Mees Jenny why ju so mucho mean to dose childrens why huh?"

J.Lo said that there just is no way that she can ever be as cruel, as vicious, or as heartless as the woman she replaced Kara DioGuardi.

Lopez said that she does not know how Kara could be so mean to kids that are only 15, 16, and 17. She then figured that it was most probably because Kara has never had any kids, and from what she has read in the papers and magazines, most all of her boyfriends have ended up cheating on her.

Jennifer did say that Randy "The Black Dawg" Jackson who has been doing this for ten years told her to just look past the singers and do not ever make eye contact.

"Lissen up dawg" Randy said, "Just look at the curtains behind the kids."

"Eff you Randy!" J.Lo shouted. "And don't you ever call me dawg, you damn black dawg, ju hear?"

Randy rolled his eyes, "Hey calm down ho, this ain't NCIS Los Angeles this is American Effen Idol, you got it you pitchy bitch?"

Steven "Lips" Tyler overheard Randy and told Jennifer that this is not Broadway. He then told her that just like "The Dawg" said he looks behind them at the curtain unless of the course the girl is an exceptionally good looker and then he just votes yes and does not really give a friggin damn if the girl can sing or not.

Jennifer Lopez plans to meet with the shows producer Simon Shindlebocker and the shows director Simon Witleywine and see if she can get out of her contract before she gets physically sick on camera or ends up punching "The Dawg" in front of 30 million viewers.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more