Amelia Earhart Story Cracked
There have been bones and girly stuff found on the Island of Nikumaroro in the far Pacific by a crack team of forensic historical aircraft researchers about to make a major announcement. This reporter just returned from the nearby island of Uku-U...
Read full storyVictor Hugo's Notes for Hunchback of Notre Dame Discovered
Copious notes belonging to famed French author Victor Hugo have been found in a derelict atelier once owned by Pablo Picasso. Pablo who was known to steal things that took his fancy to the extent that Matisse used to hide his paintings when he heard his feet on the stairs may have inadvertently picked them up during a visit to the Louvre. In any case, they throw considerable light on the origins o...
Read full storyShocking Headlines following Striking Incident
LONDON - Headlines were made today after a striking incident. The incident, which happened in the early hours, caused a panic across the world's media outlets. Including Inhopeless Media Group. This reporter went to the scene of the incident after...
Read full storyWisconsin Union Protesters Somehow Wind Up in Libya
Through some strange mix-up, union protesters in Wisconsin have wound up in Libya and are scared to death. "We were on our way to fly to Indianapolis to support the protest there as some from Indiana unions came to Madison to study our methods bef...
Read full storyIsle of Wight News - Newby Villagers appalled by recent news of bare feet abounding - i.e. no socks
The villagers of Newby, Isle of Wight, are disgusted by the recent news from the mainland that people appear to be boycotting socks. In Newby, the only time socks are removed is when taking a bath or a shower. Also when they need washing themselv...
Read full storyKristen Stewart Says That is Not Her in XXX Amateur Blue Movie
A very upset Kristen Stewart tweeted her fans today that that is definitely NOT her in the amateur blue movie that is going round. "Someone is making some money here and I have turned a copy I bought over to the authorities. You can tell that it w...
Read full storyTaylor Swift Spoofs Herself in New "Coconuts" Movie
A representative for singing star Taylor Swift has announced that Taylor will be heading up a new movie that involves a lot of music and humor. The movie, "I've Got A Lovely Pair of Coconuts" is based on the old song, made popular by everyone from...
Read full storySelena Gomez and Demi Lovato Buy Justin Bieber A Shetland Pony For His Birthday
LOS ANGELES - Two of America's favorite young female singers have just bought one of America's favorite male singers a very special birthday gift. Selena Gomez and Demi Lovato went on eBay and purchased a Shetland pony to give to their fellow sing...
Read full storyWhy don't people DARN socks anymore? I still have all of my 'mushrooms'.
I don't know why people have stopped darning socks. I have a wonderful collection of 'darning mushrooms' of all shapes and sizes. Some darning mushrooms are for darning worn-out 'elbows' of favourite sweaters, others for sock heels, others for sock toes. Different sizes of mushrooms for different sizes of sweaters and socks. Some are quite 'flat' for darning other parts of sweaters and s...
Read full storyU.S. 'X-Factor' Executives Ask Cheryl Cole of England To Refrain From Saying "Why Aye," "Yous," "Wat," and "Pet"
HOLLYWOOD - The American version of Simon Cowell's X-Factor has not even aired yet and there already appears to be some trouble brewing and it deals with the English judge Cheryl Cole. Cole who is the girlfriend of the star of Dancing With The Sta...
Read full storyPrice of petrol/gas means my salary is worth a lot less than my colleague's salary. We both do the same job.
Does this seem fair to you? I drive 45 kms to work - and, 45 kms back (of course) daily - that is 450 kms per week. My colleague drives 20 km to work and back per week. Our Board of Education is now allowing us to claim 'mileage' if we go to Workshops......which are usually held about 13 kms from my home but over 40 kms from my colleague's home. She is going to claim. I can't coz it's not f...
Read full storyCat Conducts Orchestra
A Tabby cat, Tribble, 7, has taken to conducting orchestras and is proving she is not a feline catastrophe. Tibby is not keen on Bark but chases Ratmaninov with great skill. Other favourites are Hyding with his Mouse Concerto a real favourite. Tib...
Read full storyColonel Gaddafi's Fear of Flying Prevented Escape From Libya
Friends of Colonel Gaddafi have tonight sensationally revealed he has refused to leave Libya because he is frightened of flying. They say that Colonel Gaddafi's phobia of getting on a plane is so serious that he has chosen to die in his country...
Read full storySuBo fanatics cause Japanese beer shortage!
Susan Boyle red scarf wearing fanatical loonies have caused Japan to run out of beer, after SuBo was heard humming away in a Japanese beer commercial. "If Susan has endorsed it, then it's good enough for me! I immediately took my wealthy husband's...
Read full storyPoor People Banned From Having Puppies In Wisconsin!
The Republican state legislature in Wisconsin passed a bill late last night that would ban anyone receiving public assistance of any kind from having pets. This includes dogs, cats, birds, rabbits (unless for food) and gerbils. The bill also prov...
Read full storyThe Aberdeen Almanac Chapter 3
Och aye, loons and quinies, foos yer doos ? Me and the gang - One Eyed Boab, Pisa Pete (the chiel wi' the list), Stumpy Nick an' Dode the Dreep)- were musin' agin' oan the big safties thit seem to be a' oor the gemme these deys. It disnae seem tae maitter if its the perfessionals, junyers oar the ameteurs, they a' seem to be a differunt breed tae the players thit wur aboot in oor day. Bit th...
Read full storyJustin Bieber Is In Paradise As He Spends A Few Days Relaxing Down At Robert Pattinson's Texas Ranch
LAREDO - Canadian heartthrob Justin Bieber spent three days relaxing down on Robert Pattinson's Texas ranch, El Rancho De La Senora Loca (The Crazy Woman Ranch). Bieber told a reporter for The Cucamonga Chit Chat Chronicle that he had a great time...
Read full storyWooden Teeth To Make Comeback
Top Hollywood dentist Dr. Denver Colorado II has hailed his new technique as a 'genius breakthrough' for all his up and coming Hollywood actors.Denver takes up the story. 'It all started with my Father,Denver The 1st who invented Wooden Teeth for the likes of Walt Disney back in the early days of Hollywood. Walt was fed up with always brushing his teeth so Dad came up with the wooden teeth idea...
Read full storyPompey Win Again - Promotion Certain Says Superfan
Following Portsmouth's third win in a week, superfan Jake Seaport is convinced that the team has what it takes to win promotion back to the Premier League. Pompey won 2-0 at Ipswich today, following successes against Crystal Palace and Barnsley.
Read full storyLady Gaga running for President of United States in 2012
The hush hush release of Lady Gaga's 'Born This Way' on Friday, February 11, 2011 was the same day it was being reported that the due date for babies conceived that day would be 11/11/11. Those were the two sensational stories of the day. A lot of articles even talked about them both but none drew a connection. Ever since the release of Born This Way, the Lady Gaga talk has been about it being...
Read full story'Napa Valley Red' is Homebrew from Luton
A Luton man has been accused of misrepresentation of a wine he sells to local businesses. His wine is called Napa Valley Cabernet Sauvignon Red and comes in nice Californian-style bottles. The labels show a huge vineyard shimmering in blazing sunsh...
Read full storyGhadafi, Hired by Fox News! Replaces Beck!
It was a stunning announcement late yesterday from Fox News. There had been a veil of secrecy all day as the motorcade arrived at Los Angeles International Airport late in the afternoon. Roger Ailes, CEO of Fox News stepped out of the first limou...
Read full storyChina Leads The World In Sock Manufacturing
China last week overtook South Korea in the field of sock manufacturing, and the word from Beijing is that China has no intention of taking its foot off the gas and slipping back to world sock manufacturer number two. A disappointed South Korean s...
Read full storyGay Man Larry Sabu, 20, To Celebrate 21st Birthday
Well-known local gay man, Larry Sabu, 20, has spoken about his preparations for his upcoming 21st birthday. Speculation has been rife about how much sex and debauchery Larry will indulge in. The local newspaper even suggesting that it would be an...
Read full storyCameron Internet Q&A Is All A Con
An internationally renowned internet website which allows users to upload video content, which can't be named for legal reasons has come under fire after advertising on line Q&A's with PM David Cameron. "It's an outright bloody con," silver su...
Read full storyGaddafi Junior in Denial?
Libyan leader Colonel Gadaffi's son Saif has made a statement on behalf of his father's embattled regime in which he denies that there any problems remaining in his country. In an impasssioned display of oratory, Gadaffi junior tried to put a posi...
Read full storyDartmoor Nazi sex dungeon was popular tourist facility
Devon - A Plymouth Crown Court heard this week how tourism had trebled in the Lee Mill village area with the opening of a Nazi-themed S&M brothel. Straightjacket Cottage was packed with whips, masks, paddles, handcuffs, shackles and Nazi sex r...
Read full storyBrazilian Woman Finds Alligator Behind Sofa
A woman in the Northern Brazilian town of Parauapebas was shocked to find 5 foot alligator hiding behind her living room sofa. The housewife was apparently only alerted to the presence of the reptile by her son, who was patting its head shouting "...
Read full storyPart Two: Riots Causing Gas Prices Above $5 Gallon In US, Some Food Prices to Double, Triple!
Riots all over the Middle East has caused gas prices to go over $4.00 per gallon in California and may hit $5.00 per gallon by April. "Those riots are going to bring just about everything you buy to increase because it takes more gas for the produ...
Read full storyLady Gaga & Lindsay Lohan to do Movie, "Stewball"
A new comedy about Stewball the Race Horse (song) is in the works according to "The Hollywood Word" that went on the stands this morning. Despite her legal troubles, actress Lindsay Lohan has agreed to co-star in the musical comedy with Lady Gaga.
Read full storyPointless Stories Number One
A plane chartered by the Canadian government to fly stranded citizens out of Libya has left Tripoli airport completely empty, Canadian sources have reported. Although this may appear a bit bizarre, a number of other countries have had similar expe...
Read full storyChina Recalls "Deep Blue" Vibrators After Over 1,000 Shocking Stories
"I thought I was going to die", stated one lady as part of a collective lawsuit. "Of course, it was great for awhile but suddenly I was jerking like Joe Cocker singing "Cry Me A River!" "I heard Edith in the darkened bedroom while I was watching t...
Read full storySecret Saudi 'Area 51' shielding Libya UFO
Saudi Arabia - Draconian censorship shields the Jabal Al-Lawz alien structure believed by Biblical scholars to be Mount Sinai. Last week smuggled Saudi video footage confirmed an egg-shaped UFO rising from the Jordanian/Saudi border peak ahead of...
Read full storyGalliano Suspended By Dior
Creative director John Galliano has been suspended by fashion house Christian Dior after he was accused of verbally abusing a couple in a Parisian pavement restaurant. The news has stunned the fashion world as Galliano is reckoned by many of the c...
Read full storySaturday Kitchen Chef "All In A Lather" Over Sockless Guest
TV chef James Martin was recovering today after losing his cool during his weekly show Saturday Kitchen. Although he managed to appear in control, he was constantly having to try to cool down as his guest, actress Amanda Burton, was not wearing so...
Read full storyTV Repair Man Strikes! First Victims Quit
Staff on Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is are coming to terms with the first success of vigilante TV Repair Man. One 'runner' and a member of the sound crew on the antique buying and selling show have quit following threats to their families.
Read full storyCameron Complains about BBC Bias
David Cameron has come out strongly against the BBC for telling people about the Cuts. 'This is getting people down' he said 'it is also getting our poll ratings down. Why can't these people have a look at our successes? The growth figures for instance, the unemployment figures, our exemplary role in evacuating Brits from Libya, our star performance in keeping forest trees growing, our planning...
Read full storyAn Egyptian Pyramid and Sphinx Have Been Unearthed In Mississippi
NATCHEZ, Mississippi - Scientists are mystified at the discovery of an Egyptian pyramid and sphinx which were recently uncovered by a highway construction crew seven miles outside of the Mississippi town of Natchez. USA Sunup interviewed Sherman R...
Read full storyThe UK Foreign Office issues new guidelines for evacuation
Mr William Hague has issued a new directive after the evacuation fiasco of the UK nationals from Tony Blair's friend Gadaffi anarchic state. In a brief statement Hague stated the new criteria to be rescued from a country if British Citizens were in d...
Read full storyAmerican Idol's Extremely Angry and Bitter "Birthday Girl" Causes One Hell Of A Ruckus!
HOLLYWOOD - After starting off with over one million American Idol hopefuls the AI judges have finally dwindled it down to 24. They listened and listened and listened and they eliminated a total of 999,976, including one sore-as-hell loser, Jessic...
Read full storyPinewood Studios Goes South American
Legendary British film and TV studios Woodpine Shepperton are to set up shop in the Dominican Republic, an entertainment source has revealed. Woodpine boss Monty Pinkerton confirmed the news, announcing proudly that "this venture only came about a...
Read full storyTeacher Reprimanded For Racist Poem
A secondary teacher in Ashford, Kent has been given a formal reprimand after using a racist poem to explain voting patterns in the U.K. 40 year old social studies teacher Lynus Broadbent was instructing a 3rd year class on electoral trends and was...
Read full storyIsraeli Parliament Denounces US Settlement Plans
The Knesset on Friday expressed regret at US plans to build new homes before considering a freeze, calling the move counter-productive to efforts to launch immigration reform and land return negotiations. Knesset spokesman Giora Pordes spoke after s...
Read full storyTough Sanctions Announced Against Gaddafi
U.N. Secretary General Ban Ki Moon today announced tough new sanctions against the government of Libyan leader Colonel Gaddafi. In a tense statement issued at U.N Headquarters in Manhattan, New York, the General Secretary stated: "The United Natio...
Read full storyCNN Dumps Kathleen Parker - Keeps Elliot Spitzer and Wants To Hire Heidi Montag To Replace Parker
NEW YORK CITY - In a move that most political talk show connoisseurs did not see coming, CNN has fired the co-host of their highly touted Parker-Spitzer Talk Show Kathleen Parker. A spokesperson for CNN stated that the CNN higher ups (aka the 'Sui...
Read full storyRingo Starr of The Beatles Finally Wins His Supreme Court Case After 45 Years In Litigation
HOLLYWOOD HILLS - Richard Starkey, aka Ringo Starr, 70, sat in his mansion Yellow Submarine Estates, nestled in the Hollywood Hills with a look of sheer satisfaction showing on his face. The man who had been the drummer for the greatest band in hi...
Read full storyPope Says to World: I'm Outta Here!
Vatican City - During evening prayers, Pope Benedict XVI announced to a stunned crowd that the Vatican is moving. The Vatican, center of the planet's 500 million Catholics, is planning to transfer all of its offices and staff. An eruption of questio...
Read full storyLohan's Defense: "I Wanted to Buy That Jewelry Store"
Sources close to Lindsay Lohan say the troubled former Hollywood star will tell jurors in her coming trial that she did, indeed, steal a $2,500 necklace from a jewelry store. "But she will also claim," said one source, "that she was just testing...
Read full storyShylock Humes And The Case Of The Purloined Budgerigar, Part Seven Of Seven
The voice of my friend Shylock Humes was like an icicle snapping in January in the Fenlands. "No, Inspector, it simply will not do", he said. "Mr Herring", he continued, addressing the ancient butler of Pwthylliggrionngngrdngnadd Hall, "Inspector Stanley Livingstone-Stanley may be said to have a well-constructed case against you in the matter of the death of Lord Clinker of Llandrinndrbdriod...
Read full storyIt's Family Fortunes with the Gaddafis!
-It's All Star Celebrity Family Fortunes and I am your host Vermin K! (crowd - yaaay!) -Welcome! Welcome everyone to the show. Welcome to All Star Celebrity Family Fortunes! -Now we have two families here who I'm sure you'll all know and I know you'll want to give them both a really big cheer. (crowd - yaaay!) -From Exeter it's the Asherwoods! (crowd - yaay!) -And from Libya...
Read full storyRoyal Expert Telepathy Claims
As the nation runs head-long into another round of vomit inducing sycophancy in the shape of the Royal Wedding, a legion of 'experts' emerge from the sewers beneath Fleet street to pontificate on the tedious ministrations of the royal entourage. Rather than relying on irrelevant details like 'facts', or actually 'knowing' the royal family, normally, said experts, are content to make stuff up and s...
Read full storyObama Pulls Coup d' Etat On God: Declares Himself Czar Of Universe
Just back from a quick workout with Labron James and Michael Jorden on his private basketball court, President Obama felt good about himself after ramming down dunks over his helpless opponents. Their mouths agape, they watched in awe as he hung...
Read full storyCelebrity Chefs Carry Out Hostile Takeover of UK plc
In a move that seems to run counter to current developments in the Middle East, a group of celebrity chefs, that include: Jamie Oliver, Gordon Ramsey and Heston Blumenthal, have carried out a hostile military takeover of the Palace of Westminster.
Read full storyColin Firth's King's Speech Oscars bid will bomb say online bookies
Los Angeles - Over-hyped Britflick twaddle The King's Peach has some bookies milking the punters with dead cert win odds of 1/66 on Firth's Best Actor gong. Online spreadbetting index Aintgottaprayer.con called that akin to grand larceny as it con...
Read full story