Celebrity Chefs Carry Out Hostile Takeover of UK plc

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Saturday, 26 February 2011

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A typical resident of the British Isles

In a move that seems to run counter to current developments in the Middle East, a group of celebrity chefs, that include: Jamie Oliver, Gordon Ramsey and Heston Blumenthal, have carried out a hostile military takeover of the Palace of Westminster.

No longer content to tell us how to live our lives and what to shove down our cake-holes, this group of campaigning kitchen guerrillas, have decided that the British public are too brainless to run their own lives, and that only a Military Junta will be effective in changing the nation's eating habits.

Jamie Oliver sums up the mood in the camp - "Basically, we'd got fed up watching the people of Britain shove ready-meals and takeaways into their fat faces. Do they not realise that after a hard day at work it's entirely possible to knock-up a tasty and nutritious five course banquet in little under 8 hours? It's all in my new book, 'I'm much better at cooking than you' by Jamie Oliver."

No overall decision has been made about the final make-up of the new cabinet but it is expected that Heston Blumenthal will become Prime Minister, Jamie Oliver will take on the role of Minster for Education and Gordon Ramsay will become Home Secretary.

"We thought that Gordon's no-nonsense style would be perfect for the role." explains Oliver, "Kind of 'tough on crime, tough on the cause of overcooked soufflé.' By the way, overcooking a souffle will become a crime under the next government."

As middle east awakens to democracy, and the British Isles sleeps under a duvet of Food Facism, we ask ourselves, "what will life be like in this brave new world?"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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