Tough Sanctions Announced Against Gaddafi

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Saturday, 26 February 2011


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U.N. Secretary General Ban Ki Moon today announced tough new sanctions against the government of Libyan leader Colonel Gaddafi.

In a tense statement issued at U.N Headquarters in Manhattan, New York, the General Secretary stated: "The United Nations condemns in the strongest fashion the cruel and barbaric oppression Colonel Gadddafi and his ministers are inflicting on their own citizens."

The Security Council is 100% unanimously agreed on the sanctions to be levied on the Libyan government, and they will not be lifted until if and when peace has returned to the country and a democratic government is in place.

Accordingly, from 09.00 hours this morning, the United Nations is enforcing a total ban on the importing of safari suits and sunglasses into the country.

Although this will unfortunately bring much hardship to ordinary citizens for whom these items are essential in coping with the extreme heat, its felt that this ban will also hit the Colonel where it hurts. He will inevitably lose a great deal of face if he has to meet other members of the government without some of his most essential fashion statements.

Moreover, an immediate worldwide ban has been levied on the importing of all forms of ventilation system. This will cause major disruption in government life as all cabinet meetings are held in the Colonel's desert encampment outside Tripoli. I'd hate to have to suffer that level of discomfort when the next summit is held. Try and make any rational decisions on important matters when you're sweating buckets.

A total prohibition on any countries purchasing couscous from Libya has also been implemented. While this traditional food accounts for less than 0.005% of the country's export market and will thus have no noticeable effect on Libya's income flow, it should really piss Gadddafi off.

See how he likes that.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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