Brett Favre Not Queer - NFL Fans Relieved
NFL fans and owners breathed a collective sigh of relief when rumors that Brett Favre was queer were dispelled by a gold-digging tramp. Jenn Sterger, a sideline reporter for the Jets, succeeded in tripping Brett with her long legs and beautiful b...
Read full storyTrapped Chilean miners to be greeted by Gamu Nhengu
X-Factor reject Gamu Nhengu is travelling to the San Jose mine in Chile in time to greet the 33 trapped miners as they are pulled to safety. Gamu will sing the Chilean National Anthem to each miner as they see daylight for the first time in over 6...
Read full storyCharles tells UK to "learn to live like they do it in Mumbai slums". Brit taxpayers give him one-way ticket so he can "personally experience the joys of slum-living".'
Charles - Britain's Royal Sausage, fresh from talking to plants and now in India for the Commonwealth Games is peddling his new book "Harmony". With nothing better to do for a living than mooch off taxpayers while waiting for his turn to don the C...
Read full storyGolden-haired stray dog runs out of his lane at Commonwealth Games and still manages to win India's first track gold medal!
He burst through a tunnel, ran the wrong way onto the track; ran outside his lane and still managed to win India's first track gold medal, drawing ecstatic cheers from the loud and raucous partisan human crowd and congratulatory Woofs from the contin...
Read full storyAnn Widdercombe to learn the steps
Ann Widdercombe's going back to basics, following another shit performance on Strictly Come Dancing. The aging star from that TV show everyone loves is set to go back to basics to really woo the audiences. Following complaints that her routines we...
Read full storyLeSean McCoy to Start for Eagles Against 49ers: "Thank God, because I'm sure I'll suck," said Kevin Kolb.
To everyone's surprise, Michael Vick being ruled out as playing on Sunday against the 49ers doesn't mean that there will be no one available that can actually gain yards: Running back LeSean McCoy, who was expected to miss time with a broken rib, is...
Read full storyFormer 49er Glen Coffee Does More Stupid Sh-t, Is Arrested with "Cocked" Handgun
Flaming stupid-ass Glen Coffee, the 23-year-old former 49er running back who retired suddenly this offseason, was arrested in Florida for carrying a concealed firearm. "The pistol was recovered with the hammer 'cocked'," said the Folt Walton, Flor...
Read full storyLinda Nosgrove to be Avenged With Nukes, Says U.K.
Parts of the country known as Terrorist's Disneyland --Afghanistan-- will soon look much different, when the UK avenges the death of kidnapped humanitarian Linda Nosgrove, who was killed at the hand of her Taliban captors during a failed NATO-organ...
Read full storyWhy November 20, 1983 Was The Best and Worst Day of My Childhood.
"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times," reads the opening line of Dickens' 'A Tale of Two Cities', a now-trite contrast of polar-opposites. "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spr...
Read full storyPorked Out Victoria's Secret Models In Need Of Jobs, Husbands!
It's a shame that this has happened and it is typical of the day and age we live in, but Victoria's Secret has given pink slips, plus they have fired almost 100 beautiful young ladies who have gone over the 115-pound weight limit. "At an average o...
Read full storyHillary Clinton To Replace Joe Biden On Obama Ticket In 2012?
The big news out of Washington this morning is that there is much speculation about a Barack Obama/Hillary Clinton ticket for 2012, leaving Joe Biden to sputter as usual. "Many think that Joe Biden's mouth has hurt the President on a dozen occasi...
Read full storyRed-Eyed Kim Kardashian Insists She's Alright After Bar Fight!
After hundreds of fans sent messages to Kim Kardashian over a reported bar fight, she has replied that all she got was a drink thrown in her face. Kardashian, 29, took to her blog Friday night to try to explain a wild Thursday night with her siste...
Read full storySusan Boyle Is A Man?!
While everyone has been caught up in whether Lady Gaga and which sex she be, the talk on the internet today is that Susan Boyle is a man. Beginning this morning with a scoop from 'The Daily Blabbermouth' about the sex of Mr. Boyle, the other tabl...
Read full storyPalin to Get New Title Before Election
What the title will be has not been settled, but one thing is definite, by Halloween Sarah Palin will no longer be referred to as "Former Vice Presidential Candidate, Sarah Palin." "She was the nominee for 67 days. How long do you leave a job you...
Read full storyKim Kardashian And Sisters Khloe and Kourtney Involved In A Brawl Scuffle In A New York City Club
NEW YORK CITY - Kim Kardashian, who until recently was the girlfriend of Dallas Cowboy receiver Miles Austin, was involved in a brawl fracas at New York's trendy Club La Bi Do. Kim was there with the other two members of the infamous Kardashian tr...
Read full storyJustin Bieber and Selena Gomez To Star In The TV Special "The Halloween Witches Vs. The Pumpkin Eating Vampires"
HOLLYWOOD - A spokesperson for the Nickelodeon Network has just announced that they will soon begin filming on a Halloween special based on Elvira McFiddletocky's 18th century novel The Halloween Witches Vs. The Pumpkin Eating Vampires. The specia...
Read full storyParis Hilton and Lindsay Lohan Are Co-Writing A Book - "Just How The Heck We Get Away With Breaking The Law And How You Can To"
BEVERLY HILLS - Two of the luckiest females in the United States, Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan, have decided to get together and write a book. The book was suggested to the pair by individuals such as Sean Hannity, Oprah Winfrey, Vice-President...
Read full storyTidal Waves Fears Over China's Nobel Prize Anger
Maritime experts fear the world could be hit by giant tidal waves as the fall out from the row between China and Norway over the Nobel Peace Prize. The Chinese government is furious that the Norwegian Nobel Prize Committe awarded the Peace Prize t...
Read full storyYour Stars This Week: Libra
By our resident astrologer, Liberty Nebulae. You are well known for being indecisive - but you must be firm. Grab opportunity by the forelock, my lovely Libra darlings. Yes! Smack that smart-arse get at work who keeps nicking your coffee and swans around chatting up the birds - give him a right good twatting! He's been asking for it for years, hasn't he? Didn't he blame you for that cock-up...
Read full storyLondon Kiddies Plan Toddle On Whitehall Over Playground Cuts
Hundreds of London's youngsters are planning a mass toddle in protest at spending cuts which threaten the future of the capital's adventure playgrounds. Borough councils in the Greater London area say playgrounds will have to close if no Governmen...
Read full storyBeck admits he is the son of God
After years of spreading his rhetoric on airwaves across the country, Glenn Beck finally announced on Friday that he was in fact the son of God. He stated that he wanted to keep it a secret from the rest of the world so that people did not think that...
Read full storyCurrency War, reports of first casualties.
Although still in its infancy, the escalating currency war is taking a turn for the not very nice at all, actually, according to some sources. Following on from George Soros, the richest man in the known universe, warning China to step off and get...
Read full storyChilean Miners Decide to Stay Down There
This morning the drill broke through into the chamber holding the 33 Chilean gold miners. A voice came up the 700 metre shaft saying, "We're staying down here! Go Away!" The spokesman for the trapped Chilean miners Aaron Mateo explained: "We've be...
Read full storyPoor mum of thirteen wee bairns can see the breadline
A mother of 13 wee darlings who spent £1,700 of her benefits on a 60in plasma TV claimed last night that plans to cap payments to benefit claimants would leave her family "on the breadline". Whinging old bag, as some have unkindly called Tootsy Mc...
Read full storyElvis Twin Turns Up In Decutar, Mississiappi!
Yesterday at 2:00 PM, hundreds of people saw what appeared to be some kind of ghost that looked exactly like Elvis, (except for the sideburns) at a Decatur, Mississippi mall. He spoke briefly, saying only "I'm Melvus" and "Thank you, thank you ver...
Read full storyCoons To Delaware Voters: "I am not a genie!"
With a lead in the polls over spell-casting Delaware Tea Bagger candidate Christine O'Donnell, Democratic candidate Chris Coons has upped the ante with a provacative, "I am not a genie!" proclamation. Flanked by his wife, and the still very lovely...
Read full story'Pregnant' Kate Middleton in morning sickness horror!
Windsor - (Nauseating News): So when does a 5am throwing up in the Castle moat constitute pregnancy rather than a classic binge-drinking overflow? Palace courtiers are divided this weekend amid reports Kate Middleton chundered her guts out in a cl...
Read full story'Chateau Rothschild Cunard Graves' hex premonition for Queen Elizabeth launch
Southampton - (Splicing the Main Brace): A Cunard cruise veteran is warning that Monday's royal launch of the new Queen Elizabeth liner is hexed. Seasoned Queen Mary 2 cruiser Capt Morse said in his blog today that an austerity ditching of a tradi...
Read full storyCSI and NCIS Bonanza On Cards As Production Companies Boycott 5
Fans of US crime dramas are in for a treat as Channel 5 plans to fill its schedules with programmes such as CSI: Miami, NCIS and Law & Order - 24 hours a day. Bosses at the channel have been left with no other option as domestic TV production...
Read full storyFailing Memory is Key to Gingrich's 2012 Bid
It's almost impossible to change history. On the other hand, no one says you have to own up to your past. Although he has yet to throw his hat into the 2012 Presidential race, former House Speaker Newt Gingrich is resting his hopes on the short memo...
Read full storyYanks Go Home!
Liverpool Football club appears to have finally shaken the predatory American owners off their backs. The Yanks Go Home pressure has finally paid off. However, Merseyside was plunged into new despair on the news that the new owners will be America...
Read full storyAustrian lad mag Wiener planning naked ballerina follow-up vid
Vienna - (YouBoob! News): Her naked glamor shots from a recent performance of The Nutcracker are already an internet sensation. And now Vienna State Opera prima ballerina Karina Sarkissova's nude centerfold shots from The Magic Naked Flute are goi...
Read full storyChinese Steal World Internet
News is starting to emerge that Chinese DNS Servers are starting to attract more and more of the worlds Internet traffic in an assault similar to that of the summer. Previously, the Chinese have routed requests to connect to major news websites li...
Read full storyOld man asks local library for a face book
In local news, an old man has befuddled the local library by requesting a book about face, "I have been reading about it a lot in the paper recently" said the perplexed pensioner "I don't really know what a face book is, but what with that new film o...
Read full storyCowell to premiere Star Trek Tech
Take two looks at tonight's live audience on ITV1's first X-Factor Live Finals and you might see a flicker of hope in their eyes. Its not surprising though as Simon Cowell unleashes a new type of audience on the finalists tonight, made up full of...
Read full storyScary Winter Forecast for Hawaii
It is fall and the waves are getting big, the surfers are stoked, and the dreaded Hawaiian winter is rapidly approaching. Weather predictions are particularly dire for this year where daily highs may only reach 78 Fahrenheit during the dark month of...
Read full storyOprah Cancels Book Club, Readers Outraged
CHICAGO, IL - Oprah announced today on her daily television show that she will be canceling her book club. "It is with great sadness that I am announcing the termination of this program. I feel that in this new age of technology and twitter, there is...
Read full storyObese Woman Wins Boston Marathon
The woman known simply as B. won the Boston Marathon last week. She was diagnosed with a rare thyroid disorder that caused her to become morbidly obese at a very young age. Despite these challenges B. has managed to become the first obese person to w...
Read full storyH&R Block Finds New Way To Overcharge Clients in the Off-Season Via H&R Block Bank Products.
H&R Block Bank, with over 1 branch worldwide, is offering ridiculously low rates on money market accounts and CDs, in a new bid to fill their coffers with ill-gotten gains in those months when thousands of H&R Block offices are used as dust-c...
Read full storyJudges given new guidelines to avoid causing offence
Judges have been given new guidelines to ensure that they do not offend people who appear before them in court. These came to light during a recent case when a judge referred to a person as a 'gypsy'. The clerk of the court produced a document and ad...
Read full storyPalin to Have New Reality TV Show
FOX announced today that former vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin is going to have her own Reality TV show starting later this fall. This show will be called "The Real Hockey Mom's of the Last Frontier" and will feature Sarah and all of her gir...
Read full storyStock Market Crashes, Gets Poor Safety Rating
The National Highway Safety Commission released a report today stating that the Stock Market is "Not a safe vehicle for families." The new 2011 regulations for vehicle safety has raised the standards on safety and the stock market did not make the cu...
Read full storyThree new parties started in US
In light of the TEA party movement that has been gaining ground in the US over the last two years, three new parties cropped up over the weekend. TEA party is a semi-conservative constitutionalist organization. TEA party means, Taxed Enough Already.
Read full storyQueen to face budget cuts
As the UK braces itself for the onslaught of government austerity measures, the Queen has been told to expect a reduction in her budget of 25%. The main targets for reduced expenditure are likely to be travel and the upkeep of the royal palaces. I...
Read full storyObama Confirms Rats, Claims Ship Seaworthy
It's getting hard to find empty boxes at the White House. A string of resignations among the President's inner circle has fueled speculation that the handwriting on the wall reads "Get out while you still can" and those who are able are taking heed.
Read full storyWindows Changes Name - Now Called Doors
Windows announced today that they are going to be changing their name in order to appeal to a broader audience and widen the market share. Windows hit the market in 1983, and since then has captured the imagination of the world with their software.
Read full storySchool dinner lady in child grooming scandal
A dinner lady at a primary school in County Durham has not worked for two years, after being warned that her actions could be construed as grooming a child. Mrs Dot Lavatory, 97, was witnessed by a supervisor offering a skinny looking kid an extra...
Read full storyGreat Night For British Football!
It was a great night for British football last night, as all the home nations except for England were in action against tough European opposition in the Euro 2012 qualifiers. Northern Ireland fared best, as they hung on grimly for a 0-0 draw again...
Read full storyRobbery Reported at The Spoof Publishing Offices
London UK: Scotland Yard is reporting that two women forced their way into the editorial offices of The Spoof, tying up the administrator named Mark. The thieves then made off with dossiers of all the spoof writers. The administrator described the...
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