Ann Widdercombe's going back to basics, following another shit performance on Strictly Come Dancing.
The aging star from that TV show everyone loves is set to go back to basics to really woo the audiences. Following complaints that her routines were "too basic" and she was the female version of John Sergeant (what's the difference I hear you cry?), she's upping her game.
Her first priority? To learn how to take three consecutive steps without pausing for a glass of water. Next will come learning to take a few more, before hopefully breaking into a leap without injury to her hip.
If all goes well, Widdercombe will leave Strictly and replace Usain Bolt in the 100m dash.
But she only has two weeks before she's voted out.
Put it this way Anton. At least you can help her with her shopping in midweek.