As the UK braces itself for the onslaught of government austerity measures, the Queen has been told to expect a reduction in her budget of 25%. The main targets for reduced expenditure are likely to be travel and the upkeep of the royal palaces.
It is likely that Prince Philip's black cab will be dusted of and will become the main family car. Travel by public transport will replace all other vehicle use. The Queen's Flight will be leased to Ryanair and will fly charter routes between Luton and Ibiza, piloted by Princes Andrew and William.
A wing of Buckingham Palace will be leased to Westminster Council, providing additional council housing for the homeless. However, Buckingham Palace will be exempt from the 'right to buy' scheme.
Sarah Ferguson will have her bank cards and cheque book confiscated. Instead, she will receive a weekly cash allowance, equivalent to the current Jobseeker's Allowance.
Prince Charles will be expected to live off income from his estates, with all unused funds going back to the government. Camilla will only be allowed to visit the blacksmith for new shoes once a year. Should she go down with equine flu, she will have to use NHS facilities. For overseas travel, both Charles and Camilla will be given one way tickets only.