Cheryl Cole and Cher Lloyd in naked mud wrestling showdown
X-Factor judge Cheryl Cole and wannabe Cheryl Cole and notorious bully in the Malvern area, Cher Lloyd are set to go head to head in a live mud wrestling extravaganza to find out just who is the hardest bitch on prime time Saturday evening television...
Read full story'Hills' actress typecast...as herself
LOS ANGELES, CA (SN) - Audrina Patridge roamed 'The Hills' and lived the life of high society for six seasons on one of MTV's most successful reality shows to date. Now, Patridge, 25, is having trouble finding work after a successful TV show. The r...
Read full storyRobert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart Fool Their Many Fans
Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart went unrecognized at a recent gig last week as they came up with a great disguise. The 'Twilight' stars - who have long been rumoured to be a real life couple at many of the hotels and motels around the count...
Read full storyRachel Maddow Denies Using Hazelnut Douche Bags To Lure Chicks
MSNBC superstar, Rachel Maddow, who affectionately calls Keith Olbermann, "Little Dick," seems content to allow reports that she uses hazelnut douche bags to lure young chicks into her lair remain uncontested. Supposedly, this rumor was first releas...
Read full story"New Earth" Discovery Update: Could Be Future Of Man
Astronomers say they have for the first time ever, spotted a planet beyond our own in what is sometimes called the 'Goldilocks' zone for life: Not too hot, not too cold. but juuuust right. "That sounds a little like Dr. Seuss but with our breakthr...
Read full storyAstrology shocker as 7,000-ton gasoline tanker YM Uranus pranged
Brest, Finisterre - (Retrograde Stuff): A massive 179,000-ton Panamanian tanker, the Hanjin Rizhao, has been in collision with the Turkish-registered YM Uranus, carrier of 7,000 tons of gasoline solvent called heavy pygas. The accident, off Finis...
Read full storyJustin Bieber To Star On MTV's Revived 'Punk'd' With Guests From Miley Cyrus To Ashley Greene
MTV is revamping "Punk'd," and this time around, Justin Bieber will be hosting, instead of Ashton Kutcher. Kutcher, however, will continue as an executive producer. In an interview with the hottest new tabloid 'The Daily Blabbermouth', Bieber s...
Read full storyBorn to Spoof Chapter 7: The Expended.
There was suddenly a hive of activity in the bar. Doormen appeared from no-where and everywhere, each one rapidly speaking into radios and rushing towards the door. In the dark gloom, many of them tripped up and before long there was a big pile of blacksuited monkey men in the middle of the floor. But still they appeared, and still they headed towards the front door. From the distance, a...
Read full storyStuxnet sucks net lifeblood on 10/10/10
Cyberspace - (Malware): A numerologically absurd proposition will test theories this weekend that the internet is about to collapse under the weight of the numbers game. The Stuxnet virus's programmed life span is due to detonate millions of lapto...
Read full storyEx-Chevron director General Jones dumps Obama
Washington AC/DC - (Crude Stuff): The lifeblood drained from the collective testicles of the Obama entourage today as former NATO supreme commander Gen James Jones walked away from his National Security Adviser post. Scrotally depleted and shrive...
Read full storyTwins Target JCPenney for Takeover
In the business world, rumors of hostile takeovers are as common as your ugly aunt's underwear and, if you know anything about time management, most of them hardly deserve a moment of your attention. Unfortunately, a certain percentage of rumors turn...
Read full storyNorton Folgate's Theory On Trees
Professor Norton Folgate has a theory about trees. And, as usual, he was only too willing to share his theory with us. As it is too much like hard work to edit what the Prof witters on about, we are, once again, printing his latest theory in full. "Trees are everywhere. Most people think they are wonderful things. In fact there are some who go around hugging them. Can you believe th...
Read full storyWe're Out of Debt!!!
The United Kingdom is OFFICIALLY OUT OF DEBTwe can exclusively reveal, following a statement by Mr. George Osbourne earlier today. The UK has managed to clear all of it's National Debts in one go. But it's at a cost. Earlier this year, New...
Read full storyThis takes the biscuit
It is reported that following a two year campaign to clear her name. a Northern Irish school dinner lady has been successful. The lady, who cannot be named, was suspected of grooming a pupil after she gave him a biscuit. A spokesperson for the...
Read full storyDora The Explorer Voice Breaks
Children's Hispanic TV character, Dora the Explorer, has said in a statement released today, that she will not pay wages claimed by her voice artist Caitlin Sanchez, because the latter's voice has broken. Sanchez, 14, claims that she is owed more...
Read full storyChinese UFO Mystery Solved as Liu Xiaobo Accepts Peace Prize
Recent sightings of UFOs in China have had Chinese government officials quite puzzled as an almost regular procession of gigantic glowing spacecraft have been hovering dangerously close to the Baotou and Xiaoshan Airports. At last count, there have...
Read full storyJustin Beiber surprise nominee for Nobel Peace Prize Award
He's had bottles thrown at him. He's sang a load of shit songs. And he's practically murdered the pop scene today. But toddler/teenager Justin "B-Man" Beiber has been nominated to win the Nobel Peace Prize. The lad, who's just about to sit his...
Read full storyLuddite invents machine to destroy technology quicker.
A local Luddite movement in Englandshire is up in non-mechanical arms this week, as one of their young brethrens attempt to do a good turn has taken a turn for the unpleasant, with name calling and even some physical gesticulating in the general dire...
Read full storyBritish Gas Makes Energy from Sewage
British Gas has teamed up with local water authorities to utilise sewage farms to make gas. Sewage is stirred and aerated and methane gas is made by the action of bacteria. The amount of solid waste produced by each person each year can supply eno...
Read full storyShadow Cabinet anouncement was "clerical error"
A Labour Party spokesman today blamed the Shadow Cabinet announcement on a clerical error. The leader's secretary was taking dictation from Mr Miliband when he allegedly shouted "Balls!" in exasperation at forgetting the name of the MP he had chos...
Read full storyBlog gets read
The Twitterati whipped themselves up into a frenzy this afternoon after a blog got read. "I got a hit!" Tweeted the blogger, excitedly. "And it wasn't from my family, Twitter followers nor anyone from my local group therapy session either!" ... ..
Read full storyVirus checkers "A bigger problem than viruses"
McNorton, the largest supplier of virus checkers in the world have come out and admitted that their products cause more disruption than the very viruses that they protect against. "There are so many viruses out in the wild now," said Casper Skye,...
Read full storyGrandchester Utd profit hurts burger vans
Granchester United, hit by one-off finance charges and reduced revenues from the sale of teacups, has reported an annual pre-tax loss of £4.96p. The loss for the 12 months to 30 June compares with a profit of £18.00 for the year before, when reven...
Read full storyAnna Chapman stowaway on Soyuz flight to International Space Station!
Kazakhstan - (Pie-in-the-Sky): The red haired bombshell arrived at the Baikonur cosmodrome under a blanket of secrecy before being smuggled aboard a Soyuz craft bound for outer space. Camouflaged as a piece of baggage belonging to cosmonauts Alexa...
Read full storyDid Former Pirate from Manchester Win $175M Lottery? Mum's The Word Says His Barrister!
Despite universal silence on the matter, rumours are circulating that a former Pirate, butcher, and shite cook has scored the nation's biggest lotto payoff since Wayne Rooney & David Beckham made off with everything but the crown jewels in their...
Read full storyObama Drops an SBD in the Rose Garden
Washington, DC - In a speech from the White House rose garden President Obama talking about curbs on greenhouse-gas emissions, let loose a 'silent but deadly,' "that, had it been indoors, would have left everybody gasping for breath," according to an...
Read full storyEuropean intelligence claims that US President, Campaigner in Chief Obama's raised terror alerts, are 'nonsensical'!
MI5 and MI6, Cheltenham GCHQ: Over the past few days the Western Security Apparatus has been on very high alert after the US secret intelligence agencies controlled by the Pentagon issued warnings that al-Qaida was plotting to attack targets in the...
Read full storyNHS buys New Dyson Birthing Machine
The NHS has purchased 217 Dyson Birthing Machines for maternity units throughout England. The birthing machine is described as a revolution for mothers experiencing a difficult birth. It incorporates Dyson's patented Root Cyclone technology and, w...
Read full story"Cher Lloyd Was A Rat-Faced Pikey Bully At School" Claims Schoolmate
Fragile X-Factor wannabe from Malvern, Cher Lloyd was described by an ex schoolfriend as being a rat-faced pikey bully girl last night. Glenda Sloot, 17, also from Malvern described how the vulnerable looking singer was a nightmare at school. "...
Read full storyUnemployment at all time low...
...in Afghanistan. Heavy US reliance on private security in Afghanistan has helped to line the pockets of the Taliban, a US Senate report says. Some 26,000 private security personnel, mostly Afghans, operate in Afghanistan paid for from the U.
Read full storyIsle of Wight Man Allows Facial Hair To Grow
A Newport man has surprised friends and colleagues by allowing his facial hair to grow for several weeks. Simon Crimp, who works for a local sanitary supplies company, woke up one morning too late to have a shave before he left for the office.
Read full storyScrabble.
MAIEUTICS is the kind of word that you shouldn't use in Scrabble. Everyone will think you're an arse, and it will only get you into trouble Even if you genuinely know it or it was just a random guess They will all talk at you in stentorian tones of your sesquipedalian excess Don't use words like "epiphenomenal," "diegetic" or "proprioceptive." too It's just that kind of malarkey that will...
Read full storyBenefit cut benefits
Following the announcement by British Prime Minister that child benefit payments will be cut researchers have unearthed some of the otherwise unseen benefits that are to come. Whilst some of the public are left seething by the PM's news others are mo...
Read full storySo Women Do Merely Glow
The old saying that 'horses sweat, men perspire and women glow' is true, according to a Japanese study. "It appears that women are at a disadvantage when they need to sweat during exercise," said research co-ordnator Yoshimitsu Inoue, in the journ...
Read full storyItaly Plans 'Ban The Burkha' Vote
Italy's right-wing Northern League party has put forward a bill calling for the burkha to be banned in public. The bill comes just weeks after France made the controversial veil illegal on security grounds. If it is passed, observers reckon the pr...
Read full storyDavid Cameron Set To Approve Aircraft Carriers Order - Thanks To Airfix!
Prime Minister David Cameron is poised to approve a £5 billion order for two new aircraft carriers for the Royal Navy - thanks to a boyhood hobby. The decision follows a meeting of the national security council he chaired yesterday. And it comes a...
Read full storyOde to West Nile Virus
An Ode to a Certain Malevolent Maladie on the Occasion of a Major Epidemic that has Acquired a Pathogenicity that Imperils Mankind Across the Globe and May Destroy Civilization as It Is Known to Us Presented in Its Entirety by the Poet Laureate on the Mundane, the Preposterous, and the Absurd: Sir Percival Blink, Esq. to His Most Excellent, Gracious Majesty, Humbert II, as He Succumbs to Ye Ol...
Read full storyAlbania issues Norman Wisdom commemorative bath plug
The Albanian government has announced that a commemorative bath plug is to be issued honouring the memory of Norman Wisdom who died earlier this week. In a press interview, Albania's foreign minister said "The death of Mr Pitkin was a terrible blo...
Read full storySchoolgirl Donates Tooth Fairy Money To Help Economy
A big hearted six year old girl has donated her £1.00 tooth fairy money to David Cameron in a bid to revive Britain's ailing economy. Pint sized Niamh Lewis, from Irlam, nr Manchester was horrified to learn of public sector cuts, an increase in th...
Read full story500 Years Later, 53rd Card Makes Debut in Decks
The introduction of a new playing card to standard decks is creating a furor among card players, casino owners, psychics, gypsies, 3-car monty dealers and kids with bicycles. Introduced last week without fan fare, the new card, marked with the let...
Read full storyBrown invades Comm Games
Delhi, India. The nineteenth Commonwealth Games have been further dragged down as a sporting contest when former UK Prime Minister Gordon Brown appeared controversially in a number of contests here in Delhi. The first event Brown was spotted in wa...
Read full storyDoggers get police protection
Police officers around the UK have been given guidelines to help them protect people who engage in dogging from hate crimes. Chief Superintendent Phil McCavity, from Burgess Hill police station said, "Having sex in public places is only a crime w...
Read full story"Congratulations." Thus spake The Spoof. "You've Won!" Fire! Atwitter! Heart apace with the fleetest steed's, for I am about to be draped in the fineries of that that have heretofore been not mine to possess.
"Congratulations." Thus spake The Spoof. "You've Won!" Fire! Atwitter! Heart apace with the fleetest steed's, for I am about to be draped in the fineries of that that have heretofore been not mine to possess. It is The Spoof, whose heartfelt announcement broke the silence that cast itself throughout my office; a speaker harkens to me when no task from it was asked. I search: On no horizo...
Read full storyDefence cuts to reduce Royal Navy to smallest size
In a desperate bid to save two new aircraft carriers which are under construction, Royal Navy chiefs have agreed with government demands to reduce the number of warships in the fleet by almost 75%. This move will cut the Navy down to a size last seen...
Read full storyFollowing God on Twitter Replaces Going To Church For Many
For Mildred Finklesplat, 92, of Keyport, NJ, getting to the 9:30AM Sunday sermon at the First Baptist Church on Main Street meant getting up at 6:00AM, just to get ready. "I take 22 pills every morning," said Finklesplat, whose husband met his Cre...
Read full storyAnimal Rights Group To Girl Who Threw Puppies In River: Let US Kill Them Next Time!
The girl who lit up Youtube's comment feature by being shown throwing puppies into a raging river was commended for "nice form" by an animal rights group of People who champion the rights of animals. In the 43-second clip, a young woman or girl w...
Read full storyCabinet Minister causes storm in a condom
A senior government figure has provoked a storm of indignation from the population of Essex. His remarks were made at a luncheon hosted by a local Family Planning Association. Culture Secretary Jeremy Blunt suggested the bleeding obvious, when he...
Read full storySenior Tory denies that he's a Mormon
Foreign Secretary William Hague has today issued a statement refuting rumours that he is a secret Mormon Elder' There is no truth whatsoever in these scurrilous rumours' he told reporters. 'I admit that over the last few months I have regularly share...
Read full storyNude Porno Pics Of David Cameron And Boris Johnson Giving Katie Price One Up The Arse Are Fakes
Following an exhaustive investigation, Skoob News can finally reveal that the photographs displayed on the interweb of Prime Minister David Cameron, and London Mayor, Boris Johnson, giving Katie Price one up the arse are photoshopped fakes. Acting...
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