Written by Dr. Billingsgate

Friday, 8 October 2010

image for Rachel Maddow Denies Using Hazelnut Douche Bags To Lure Chicks
Likes Hazelnut Douche Bags

MSNBC superstar, Rachel Maddow, who affectionately calls Keith Olbermann, "Little Dick," seems content to allow reports that she uses hazelnut douche bags to lure young chicks into her lair remain uncontested. Supposedly, this rumor was first released by a functionary working for FOX NEWS and was picked up by some of the New York tabloids yesterday.

Maddow, who called Bill O'Reilly a race-baiting FUCK, has been noticeably quiet and has yet to deny using the hazelnut douche bags. Whether this can be construed as an admission of guilt is anyone's guess.

The puckish Maddow, whose countenance and demeanor more closely remind one of a high-school football linebacker, rather than a prom princess, has been the ironic queen of cable news for the past couple of years. Her wardrobe, which runs from turtle-neck sweaters to high fashion canvas tea-shirts, rarely gives any indication of her having a bosom, or heaven forbid, cleavage.

The raven haired, smooth talking winsomette has been one of President Obama's biggest fans. Nearly always complimentary of him in her narratives, she makes Wolf Blitzer look like a Republican hack by comparison.

May the Dykes On Bikes bless her hazelnut douche bags.

*This story has been approved by NOW.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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