"Cher Lloyd Was A Rat-Faced Pikey Bully At School" Claims Schoolmate

Funny story written by Skoob1999

Friday, 8 October 2010

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Glenda Not Wowing The Judges With Her Version Of 'Do Ya Think I'm Sexy' By Rod Stewart And The Faeces

Fragile X-Factor wannabe from Malvern, Cher Lloyd was described by an ex schoolfriend as being a rat-faced pikey bully girl last night.

Glenda Sloot, 17, also from Malvern described how the vulnerable looking singer was a nightmare at school.

"She used to call me 'fat tits' and once pulled my hair," Glenda told Skoob Entertainment News. "She was a nightmare at school. She once pinched my knickers in gym class so I had to walk all the way home knickerless, and to make matters worse I was being stalked by a paedophile at the time. It was horrible. You don't want to believe a word of all that sweet and innocent bollocks she puts on for the X-Factor. She's a rat-faced pikey bitch. Trust me."

Glenda, who herself failed an X-Factor audition in Birmingham, where she was described by one of the judges as "a talentless pug ugly no mark with a voice like a distressed toad" denied that she was in any way jealous of fragile and vulnerable Cher's progression through the series.

"I'm not bitter and twisted," Glenda insisted. "But if I see that anorexic scarecrow again, I'll rip her head off and shit down her neck."

At which point, this reporter considered that a tactical retreat would be a good idea.

More as we get it.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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