Kazakhstan - (Pie-in-the-Sky): The red haired bombshell arrived at the Baikonur cosmodrome under a blanket of secrecy before being smuggled aboard a Soyuz craft bound for outer space.
Camouflaged as a piece of baggage belonging to cosmonauts Alexander Kaleri, Oleg Skripochka and Scott Kelly Ms Kushchenko - as she is now known - apparently managed to stowaway in a red North Face sports holdall.
Her mission is said to replace luckless Capt Lisa Nowak's attempts to redefine the Space Station's Mile High Club rules of engagement.
Nowak famously had romantic trysts with ISS colleagues before a parking lot confrontation with love rival Colleen Shipman put paid to a fledgeling NASA career.
A spokesperson for the Soyuz mission has denied Kushchenko is part of a team charged with removing the Stuxnet malware protocols secreted aboard the orbiting ISS.
"She's just a bit of arm candy for our lonesome boys," May Yuri Gagarin said today.
Buzz Aldrin is a nervous wreck.