Written by twylo2000

Friday, 8 October 2010

image for Twins Target JCPenney for Takeover
Future Retail Moguls, the Olsen Twins

In the business world, rumors of hostile takeovers are as common as your ugly aunt's underwear and, if you know anything about time management, most of them hardly deserve a moment of your attention. Unfortunately, a certain percentage of rumors turn out to be true. If you ignore the wrong rumor, you run the risk of getting caught in a Playtex Cross Your Heart Bra when what you really need is a Bike athletic supporter with optional protective cup installed.

Dowdy department store retailer JCPenney, the place where you aunt shops for underwear, got caught braless and with its pants down today when legendary entertainment 2-for, the Olson Twins, confessed that they had what added up to almost 17% of the company's outstanding stock stashed away in a glittery shoulder bag. In a statement released through a spokesperson, the twins confirmed their intention to share in the operation of the business "like sisters". The sisters also confirmed that although rumors they had spent all of the money earned from past projects shopping at the mall were "generally true," the share price for JCPenney stock had fallen so much since the beginning of the year they ere able to finance the takeover by "rolling change."

When questioned about the twins ability to manage a nation-wide retailer with over 1,000 stores, the spokesperson replied simply "Could they do any worse?" At mid-day, JCPenney shares were up over 3%.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Takeover




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