Former Spice Girl, Björk Guðmundsdóttir, performed surgery on herself after being stranded in Iceland's Jökulsárgljúfur National Park for the past four days.
According to her publicist, Ms. Guðmundsdóttir was hiking when she lost her sense of direction and wandered far off course.
"It was as if the Earth rotated without my feet touching it," said the ordinarily incomprehensible Björk. "I then developed a very painful bunion on my foot."
For the next two-and-a-half days the ex-lead singer of the Spice Girls struggled to cope with her injury, even debating whether or not to end it all at one point. "Then I remembered the Swiss Army Knife in my pocket," she stated. Using the skills she had developed while being raised by bears, the impish lass eventually freed the bunion from her foot.
"It was at that moment that I allowed myself to believe that I might actually survive." And so she did, eventually trekking through kilometres of rugged swampland and dense jungle to a remote fishing village where they only speak Na'vi and the main pastime is Muggle Quidditch. Soon a note was couriered to a distant rescue party, who celebrated with interpretive dance upon hearing the news that she was alive and well.
While not quite completely out of the woods yet, she is expected to rejoin society in the next day or two and then make a full recovery.
