Mythbusters Claim Ownership of California Missile Launch

Funny story written by P.M. Wortham

Thursday, 11 November 2010

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What was supposed to be finale for next season's cable hit 'Mythbusters', wound up as a national defense news story instead of an episode focused on sending a harmless home made missile into orbit.

Hosts of the show, Jamie Hyneman and Adam Savage admit to building the two-stage missile in response to a viewer challenge to send an animal into space. Having built short range rockets powered by paraffin wax and even salami in the past, they took on the challenge expecting to record the successful launch for next season. "Until we saw that the two stages didn't separate", says technical engineer on the show, Larry "Hillbilly" Wilson. "Bummer too, because we roasted our little astronaut in the process".

Referring to "Chip" the Mythbusters pet Rhesus monkey, Wilson described the events experienced in flight to be quite harrowing, at least according to the footage they reclaimed from the in-cabin camera. "Everything seemed to be going quite well until the first stage wouldn't separate from the second. The second engine did fire, but instead of pushing the capsule into orbit, it toasted Chip's behind pretty good". When asked how they came to that conclusion, Wilson replied, "Well when you start to see fur a-smokin and Chip reaching down into his little space diaper to throw feces at the camera, that's a pretty safe sign that Chip was not happy". Chip was recovered five miles off shore in a mini life raft, extending his middle finger as a welcome to his rescuers.

This particular missile design showed promise, where the engine propellant had been made from pork fat, carbon powder and oxidized with hydrogen peroxide obtained from Barbie's House of Root Bleaching. "All you need is something flammable and a way to feed oxygen into the engine", says Wilson. "Besides, it smells just like barbeque in the process".

U.S. officials are not amused, despite the fact that no property, human or animal was injured or damaged during the launch. Charges may be filed against the Mythbusters show for unlawful possession of an explosive device. "Hell, where I come from we call it bacon grease, and smear it on a warm biscuit", says Wilson. "They're angry because two guys in a garage just about entered the space race with nothing more than tin cans and scrapings from a fry pan. Oh, and one seriously pissed off monkey".

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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