Nick Clegg Claims Name Calling Worse Than Sticks and Stones

Funny story written by Charpa93

Thursday, 11 November 2010

image for Nick Clegg Claims Name Calling Worse Than Sticks and Stones

While Nick Clegg came out of the melee physically unscathed on Wednesday when angry students tore after him and the Liberal Democrats in London for going back on their word on college tuition hikes, he claims he has been mentally scarred beyond recognition by the name calling.

"I know the saying 'sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me,' is supposed to imply that I'm rubber, you're glue, everything you say bounces off me and sticks to you, but in this case, well, it just didn't happen that way. I somehow was unable to deflect the nasty name calling that went on by the protesters, and at present I am paying a horrible, horrible price."

Clegg has been assured for years by his colleagues that his skin would, in fact, thicken into a rubbery substance allowing all names he would be called in his political career to bounce off him and leave his psyche unharmed.

"It was going along swimmingly until this latest row," said Clegg. "I don't know if it was the vitality of a younger group of protesters or what, but the name calling was just unbearable for me."

Asked if being called an out-and-out liar was what finally put him over the edge, he replied "Yes, but it wasn't the word liar itself that got me, it was the way it was said to me in a sing-song type of manner. Over and over and over again I could hear them chant 'liar, liar pants on fire.' It was excruciating.

Meanwhile, it is being reported that Prime Minister David Cameron has come out of the protest unscathed both physically and mentally, as he always does. Said Clegg, "If I could just learn how to take mental vacations when all this nonsense is taking place like David does, I'd be a much more effective leader."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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