Fake Pope Cons Food

Funny story written by Philip Wright

Thursday, 11 November 2010

image for Fake Pope Cons Food
"I was so angry I threw a pot of salt, which accidentally disolved my pet slug."

Even though it is common knowledge that The Pope departed the UK several weeks ago, that didn't stop a cafe in Doncaster being conned into serving "His Holiness" a free lunch.

"Bob's" cafe in the centre of Doncaster is regarded by locals as a real treat; as according to the town's website, the next best place to eat is "the bins behind Tesco."

The cafe has been run by Mr. Bob Buttie for over forty years.

"I have never taken a day off sick!" Boasted Mr. Buttie, "Although I did have an afternoon off in '93 when me piles were playing up..."

Mr. Buttie prides himself on his customer service; so when he saw a man resembling The Pope come through the door, he jumped at the opportunity to impress.

"I saw an elderly looking man come in riding a big cart. He drove up to the table and ordered beans on toast... There was much discussion between me and the cat about who this man actually was... I saw an article in the paper about the Pope's visit to the UK and his Popemobile... and, well, I suddenly realised it was him!"

Mr Buttie was so thrilled by his Holy guest, he gave the man his beans, toast and coffee for free.

However, Mr. Buttie wasn't thrilled for long...

"I realised after he'd gone that the newspaper article I read was weeks old and The Pope had long since left the country! I was so angry I threw a pot of salt, which accidentally disolved my pet slug."

The police were immediatley called about the "con" by the distraught cafe owner, but the force said that there was very little they could actually do.

P.C. Flopper of Doncaster Police, told us, "This is a case of mistaken identity. We reviewed the CCTV footage and see that the "pope" was just an old man on a mobility scooter. He wasn't wearing anything "pope- related," just old trousers and a brown coat. There really isn't much we can do as the old man clearly wasn't trying to imitate The Pope in any way."

"It's a cop out!" Said an angry Mr. Buttie, "The man didn't tell me he wasn't The Pope! He conned beans off me! And I want my £3.82 back!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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