Lady George Osborne Has a Fit
Chancellor of the Exchequer Lady George Osborne, known in the coffee houses as The Ghost of Bonnie Prince Charlie, suffered an attack of the vapours yesterday when alighting from his sedan chair. Lady George stepped lightly out of the lightweight...
Read full storyAl Qaeda Developes Eco-Friendly Car Bomb
In an effort to win over the hearts and minds of potential Infidel sympathizers, Al-Qaeda has begun the process of developing a new environmentally sensitive car bomb. Spokes-Terrorist Ali Ahmed Akbar, recently unveiled the new design at a car show...
Read full storySusan Boyle Sells Her Underwear Shop, 'SuBo's Knickers and Knick Knacks' To Elton John
BLACKBURN, Scotland - Irish songstress Susan Boyle, has decided to sell the underwear shop she opened up in February. Ms. Boyle said that the thing that hurt her shop Subo's Knickers and Knick Knacks was the fact that right across the street was a...
Read full storyGreek Gods Quit Over Greece's Financial Crisis
Delphi, Greece - The spirit of Apollo has reportedly appeared at the ruins of Delphi and has brought a troubling message from many of the Greek gods, "we quit." Many who witnessed the brief appearance by Apollo could not believe what they were hearin...
Read full storyNick Cleggover 'a notorious panty-snatcher'?
London - (Blue Ass Mess): An awful lot of Tory ladies' soiled panties have gone missing since the 6 May general election result. And the defamaTory fingers are starting to wag in Nick Clegg's direction! "Most of the said items of underwear were...
Read full storyNew Miss USA Won Stripping Contest!
Rima Fakih, the new Miss USA, won a stripping contest sponsored by Detroit radio station, it is being reported this morning. "It's true, I've seen the pics. They will be all over the net and in the tabloids by tomorrow morning", an insider told us...
Read full storyFabulous Food Served at Patriots Reconstitution Picnic
Klansing, MI - Patriots from all over the Klansing, Michigan area descended on Pikers Park Sunday for a picnic and rally. The air was overpowered with the smell of good old-fashioned home-cooked food that permeated the park. The theme of the gathe...
Read full storyWorld Cup in news again. Triesman, lives up to his name - he 'tries man' but needs to be careful who he shares secrets with
My goodness, the sports world is turned upside down again. It's NOT one of the players this time, surprise, surprise....it's one of the 'higher ups' who have way further to fall. Lord Triesman allegedly whispered sweet nothings into a 'friend's' e...
Read full storyThe Big Fat Greek Bailout
Until a few weeks ago, most Americans were only dimly aware that Greece still existed anywhere other than that strange mythological place known as, "Ancient History." Today, as if by Zeus-like magical powers, Americans are now part owners in what som...
Read full storyMichael Jackson Autopsy Photos Worth $5 Million Held By Police
Hitting all the Hollywood news sites today was a report that there were many photographs taken of the autopsy of Michael Jackson that the Los Angeles Police Department are holding unto and that tabloids are bidding up the price for them to be release...
Read full storyBeatles being Held Hostage by Record Label
London, England - Beatles fans who have been waiting for years to hear their favorite Beatles tunes on iTunes are just going to have to keep waiting. The record label is holding the tunes hostage. "That's about the extent of it," claims Sir Paul M...
Read full storyYao Ming named Wyoming's Person of the Year
Chinese basketball superstar, Yao Ming, was named the Person of the Year in the State of Wyoming (who knew that was even a state?!?) According to the Governor Dave Freudenthal, "His name is like, totally almost the same thing as our beloved state's n...
Read full storyTiger Woods Sues NHL for Celebration Plagiarism
Having dropped out of his most recent tournament, Tiger Woods accidentally came across a hockey game in his living room while flipping through the channels (He thought it may have been a new form of 'team golf' in Europe). After a few minutes of d...
Read full storyMiddle School Bully Chokes On Grapes, Doesn't Suffer Brain Damage.
A local middle school bully choked and collapsed yesterday after stuffing an entire cluster of Muscadine grapes into his mouth. Clover Heights Middle School students who quoted teachers who quoted the Police who quoted the paramedics who responded to...
Read full storyItaly "come out" at last and reveal the truth, "Italy is totally corrupt" they confess!
Italy have at last come clean about their country and after all these years of attempting to hide the truth, they decided to 'come out of their closets, rapido". President Berlusconi on Italian TV (very corrupt) told the world the secret that ever...
Read full storyLimo Driver Forces Rush Limbaugh to Get Out and Walk
New York, NY - When Rush Limbaugh's regular chauffeur suddenly became ill and unable to drive him to the station on time last week, his assistant called a local limo service to fill in. What happened next is becoming one of the most talked-about t...
Read full storyPresident Obama Exhorts Tea Baggers To Renounce "Devil" Sarah Palin And All Her Works And Pomps
Dateline Washington: In one of President Obama's most eloquent pleas for help and reconciliation, he today exhorted Tea Baggers of all stripes and colors to renounce the devil on earth, Sarah Palin. As if that were not enough, the thin-skinned pres...
Read full storySponsor depicts Rooney as a fat, bearded, loser slob and he fitted the role perfectly!
Multi-millionaire superstar, Wayne Rooney, was asked by his Sponsor, to go back to his roots in their latest advertising campaign, Rooney of course said yes (over his appearance fees, no comment!). The scenario is that Rooney slips over his laces...
Read full storyGood Lord almighty, LibCon Lords go large
The House of Lords has 707 eligible perrs of which 211 take the Labour whip. Despite the fact that these 211 suffered 350 defeats in the last session of Parliament, CamClegg Incorporated need to make another couple of hundred ConDem peers to address...
Read full storyLeft-wing Brits "growing impatient" while waiting for Cameron to be massively evil
Britain's left-leaning population is "fed up" with David Cameron's refusal to commit any significantly nasty acts, according to a report released today. With the BBC still intact, the NHS not yet reduced to an ineffective shell of its former self...
Read full storyLiberal Becomes Violently Ill While Going Undercover at Patriot Gathering
Springfield, Mo - The weekly meeting of a group of local patriots came to an abrupt halt last Tuesday when its members came flying out of the United Baptists Freedom Church reception hall wretching and cursing and holding their mouths. An outsider wa...
Read full storyEngland To Host 2018 World Winking Championships
Wild celebrations today here in Barrow-in-Furness at the HQ of the All England Winkers Association (AEWA) as the Federation of International Winking Associations (FIWA) announced that the 2018 World Winking Championships are to take place right here...
Read full storyInnocent Turkeys Assaulted Repeatedly!
Arkansas turkey farmers say that their turkeys have been repeatedly sexually assaulted hundreds of times over the last two years. "I don't know exactly when this all started, but my turkeys began walking funny back in 2004", stated turkey farmer,...
Read full storyKristen Stewart Wins Big Lawsuit Over Grandfather's Case
Although it happened nearly ten years ago before anyone knew anything much about Kristen Stewart, there was a case in court that has just now been settled. According to the records, Kristen's grandfather, Patrick, was in his late 60's at the time...
Read full storyCelebrity Apprentice: Trump Fires Curtis Stone, Maria Kanellis, and Sharon "Sniffles" Osbourne
NEW YORK CITY - Apparently the Producers of the reality show Celebrity Apprentice have informed Mr. Donald Trump that he needs to hurry up and get the show's season wrapped up. Instead of firing one celebrity, El Trumpster reared back and fired a...
Read full storyBin Laden Declares Truce: "America's Doing Just Fine!"
In a just released video from the mountains of Pakistan, Osama Bin Laden has issued a statement that has rocked the world. Osama declares in the video the cessation of Jihad as the world knows it. He then waxed poetic quoting from Ecclesiastes 3:1-8...
Read full storyPatronization Conference Attended By More Than Would Interest You
Princeton, NJ: Elite Ivy League Educators, students, and a cross section of the nation's most powerful business and social leaders are meeting this week for the first annual "Patronization Expo," held just off the campus of scenic Princeton Universit...
Read full storyGordon Brown: Hitler hid in my attic
London, Monday. In a candid conversation with the Evening Standard journalist, Horst Buchwald, former Prime Minister Gordon Brown revealed that notorious war-time Nazi leader Adolf Hitler hid from Allied troops in the attic of the Brown family home i...
Read full storyOn remand Cheryl Cole brother 'to spill beans about Simon Cowell paternity'
Tyneside - (Newcastle Bitter): Apparently last January someone read a satirical story to Cheryl's barely literate jailbird brother. Andrew Tweedy, 29, was said to be fascinated by the saga of Simon Cowell's alleged paternity of 'national treasure'...
Read full storySuBo fanatics launch crisis helpline!
Susan Boyle red scarf wearing fanatical loonies, distraught at their beloved gathering place being sold off, were today offered comfort by way of a new crisis helpline. The 'Fanatics Unite in Crisis and Kinship' helpline is being staffed by volunteer...
Read full storyBP changes its name to Beyond Plankton
BP announced today that it has changed its name from Beyond Petroleum to Beyond Pankton. This was greeted with bewilderment by the press who wondered how this could possibly help the company's image, especially at a time like this. Public relation...
Read full storyScout Leader rapped for losing scouts
Scout Leader, Arthur "Clover" Garlic, was rapped yesterday for losing his entire troop of scouts. The 3 and 1/3rd Lytham St Annes troop in the Fylde district were out on an orienteering course to earn their Homing Pigeon badges, however, only one...
Read full storyLiverpool Unveil Big Name Star
Liverpool boss Rafa Benitez confirmed in an interview yesterday that the Merseyside club have already made the biggest-name signing this summer is likely to produce, when they secured the signature of the Hull City substitute, Jan Vennegoor of Hessel...
Read full storyNew Virus Threatens Every Computer User
A pernicious new virus has spread surreptitiously across the globe. Known as the Speed Virus, it is set to activate in ten days, according to anti-virus giant Snortem. For the past five years, this virus has been under the radar, slowly infecting...
Read full storyNews Reporter Accidentally Destroys Plane
British Broadcasting News correspondent Howard Pomegranate was "probably responsible" for last Tuesday's airliner tragedy over Shepherd Bush, London. A Corporate Social Irresponsibility Report reveals that Pomegranate, 46, was trying out a satell...
Read full storyKatie Price And Alex Reid Are Desperate To Have Their Own Baby
LONDON - Alex Reid and Katie Price were recently spotted out shopping for some women's sandals for Alex. They found some but Alex remarked that they looked a little too masculine. Katie was asked by a reporter if she was pregnant yet. She laughed...
Read full storyArabian-Born Miss Michigan Wins The 2010 Miss USA Title
LAS VEGAS - The winner of the 2010 Miss USA is Miss Michigan, Rima Fakih [pronounced: FUK-Ing]. The native of Arabia beat out 48 other American girls for the coveted title of Donald Trump's pageant. One of the judges, Minnesota Vikings quarterback...
Read full storyStrictly Come Dancing's Love Birds Joe Calzaghe and Kristina Rihanoff Spotted Doing The "Touchy-Touchy" In Spain
COSTA DEL SOL, Spain - They met on the set of BBC1's Strictly Come Dancing. And now they have become quite the inseparable pair. Joe Calzaghe 38, and Kristina Rihanoff, 32, were photographed rubbing suntan lotion on each other's intimate parts while...
Read full storyMsr. Francois Dubois Confessional for May 17, 2010
Problems in Paradise Dear Msr. Dubois: I love reading your letters and articles. Where did you get your wealth of information about sexual issues? Aren't all priests supposed to live celibate lives? Anyway, my problem is my boyfriend's bad breath. He likes to perform oral sex on me, but when he comes up for air and wants to kiss me, his breath is super nasty. It makes me want to gag.
Read full storyEngland's bid for 2018 World Cup is on shaky ground - Harold Weinland has his say
England's bid for 2018 World Cup is on shaky ground for a number of reasons. One reason being that the world is supposed to end in 2012, according to prophet Harold Weinland. He's wondering what all of the fuss is about. Football has indeed be...
Read full storyTiger Woods Denies That He Is The Father Of Sandra Bullock's Baby, Louis
ORLANDO - Tiger Woods was resting comfortably reading Playboy Magazine in his trophy room when he received a phone call from his manager Upton Courtquist. Courtquist told him that the latest rumor currently circulating is that he is the father of...
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