Susan Boyle red scarf wearing fanatical loonies, distraught at their beloved gathering place being sold off, were today offered comfort by way of a new crisis helpline. The 'Fanatics Unite in Crisis and Kinship' helpline is being staffed by volunteer fanatical loonies, and can be reached on 5-555-HLY-SHIT.
Lines were very busy earlier, but this reporter finally got through and was greeted with "Welcome to the Susan fans crisis helpline. How may I bless you?"
The chief helpline volunteer said "We've taken over 1000 calls in the last hour. Fanatics are wailing and sobbing uncontrollably. Most are worried what they'll do now, especially while their wealthy husbands are away on 'business'."
Meanwhile, unrest was growing amongst the fanatics. "Stop this unrest at once!" demanded the current chief fanatic while packing his bags for his move to Rio. "It could be very bad for my bank balance."
In other developments, Team Purple Incorporated have this morning upped their bid for Fanatical Loonies Incorporated to $25 and a jar of pickles, provided all red scarves are burned and replaced with nice purple ones.
