Written by Charpa93

Monday, 17 May 2010

image for Limo Driver Forces Rush Limbaugh to Get Out and Walk
Any idea how much it costs to get stench out of a limo?

New York, NY - When Rush Limbaugh's regular chauffeur suddenly became ill and unable to drive him to the station on time last week, his assistant called a local limo service to fill in.

What happened next is becoming one of the most talked-about tales being passed around New York cabbies today, but you won't hear it told on Limbaugh's show.

Ahmad Hassim, a driver for Progressive Limousine Service, was dispatched to Manhattan to pick up Rush Limbaugh and take him to the radio studio. When he arrived at Limbaugh's building, the doorman opened the door and out ran Rush, cigar in mouth, briefcase in hand and red in face. "I immediately got out and opened the door for Mr. Limbaugh and asked him to please extinguish his cigar before getting into the car."

According to Hassim, Limbaugh refused to do so. "I was polite. I said excuse me please sir, but if you could just please be so kind to put out your cigar, but he ignored me and just got into my limo telling me 'you are just a driver so just shut up and drive.' So I closed the door and got in and drove, knowing that the smell from the cigar would take extra cleaning and it would come out of my pocket."

The two drove in silence for about ten minutes when Hassim says Limbaugh sat up to take a look at Hassim's identification badge on the dash of the limo and asked him if he was in the country legally. "Yeah, I notice you have an accent there fella. You must not be from around here, huh?" Rush laughed. "If this was Arizona, I'd be asking for your identification," Rush laughed again. Hassim tells us he just smiled and continued driving, ignoring the ignorant fat man in the back.

Said Hassim, "Mr. Limbaugh continued to puff on his cigar while he ranted about illegals in this country and how he was proud of the way he's gotten a lot of people to start taking action against it to take America back, and he kept it up and kept it up for a very long time. I finally stopped him and explained that if he was talking about me, he could relax because I was a naturalized citizen and had been so for over twenty years, but that only enraged him more."

Hassim tells us that Limbaugh said something to the effect that the only Americans he knew that belonged here are ones that look like him (Limbaugh) not Hassim and intimated that Hassim sounds like a terrorist name. At that point, Hassim decided that no matter whether he needed the job or not, he could not take one more minute of this bigot, "and right then and there, I pulled the car to the curb, in not so nice a neighborhood, I might add, told Mr. Limbaugh to give me his cell phone, which he did because he was like a frightened baby, and then I told him to get out of my limo-right there, in front of Pradesh's Pawn Shop, I told the fat man to 'please sir, get the hell out of my limo.'"

Says Hassim, "I left him there to figure out how to get to work without his cell phone or a limo driver. I left him in a neighborhood that might not be as friendly to him as I had tried to be, but I did it because he needs to learn, though I doubt he will. In the meantime, I now have a $200 cleaning bill for the stench that was left behind, but it was worth it to see the look on Limbaugh's face in my rear-view mirror as I drove away and left him to fend for himself for a change and it felt, well, liberating."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Topics: Rush Limbaugh, Limo

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
60 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more