French footballing legend and current UEFA chief Michel Platini has decided to shave off his invisible moustache after it began stinking of shit at the Europa League final in Hamburg.
Platini seemed to be sneering at the Fulham players when he presented them with their losers medals after their 2-1 extra time defeat against Athletico Madrid. However, it was later revealed the reason he had an expression of total disdain, particularly towards any player who didn't speak French, was because he could smell shit on his upper lip.
How the aroma got there is a mystery, but a close source said Platini suffers from a rare syndrome called Ihatethoseenglishcuntsalytis where the sufferer believes he or she has an invisible shit stinking moustache on the top of their lip. This causes the sufferer to have a look of utter contempt on his or her face whenever they are forced to do something they find particularly objectionable, like coming into contact with an English football team for example.
Platini is expected to shave off the invisible shit moustache before his next public appearance at the World Cup in June. Although if England make it to the world cup final he plans to grow the moustache back, along with an invisible shit beard, an invisible shit fringe and spend 24 hours with his nose firmly inserted up FIFA president Sepp Blatter's arse just in case the smell of shit isn't strong enough.
