LONDON - After going through a rock, paper, scissors, ritual, David Cameron has emerged as the new leader of England and the new occupant of 10 Downing Street.
When the new prime minister was asked what some of his initial priorities will be he paused for a moment and then replied, "Well first off I'd like to try and make peace between Cheryl Cole and Lily Allen."
He was quick to then add that all of this talk about Lily's third nipple has really got to stop.
Prime Minister Cameron pointed out that he would also like to talk to Simon Cowell about getting his niece Stephanie Cameron on X-Factor."
The new prime minister stated that another of his priorities is to travel to America and see about attending a Los Angeles Lakers game. He smiled, took a sip of tea, and said that he has a feeling that the Lakers just might be the next NBA champions.
Cameron remarked that he also wants to see about increasing England's crumpets export. He said that he has seen studies where if Britain increases the amount of crumpets she exports it could easily bring in about £100 million [$150 million U.S.] a year.
The new prime minister says that he also wants to see about remodeling Windsor Castle. He revealed that he and his wife visited their back in March and the place smelled rather oldish.
He said that the draw bridge certainly needs to be replaced, the dungeon needs to be repainted, and the moat needs to be drained and cleaned.
He said that he asked one of the caretakers what that horrendously awful smell that was coming from the castle's moat was and he was told that it was dead alligators.
And finally Prime Minister Cameron said that he wants to have a nice chat with Mick Jagger and see about getting the Rolling Stones to perform at his wife Samantha's 40th birthday party next April 18.
In a related story. The prime minister said that he saw an advanced screening of the new movie 'Robin Hood.' He stated, "The motion picture was an abso-bloody-lutely blooming gobsmackingly right fine movie of a film it twas."