High drama was taking place in Toronto earlier, when a Susan Boyle fanatic was spotted at the top of the CN Tower threatening to jump. Sporting a red scarf, and oddly no pants, the Canadian fanatic was shouting "Susan doesn't love me anymore! I have no reason to live!"
Within minutes, the clappy crowd arrived in their PEBU (Portable Emergency Blessing Unit). "We are saying prayers for him right now! Only the power of prayer will save him!" said the PEBU operators.
"We really hope he comes down. We're worried about his well-being, and his ability to click the 'donate' button," said a chief fanatic.
"This is awful," grumbled another fanatic. "Who will write semi-pornographic stories disguised as humor now if he jumps?"
It is thought the fanatic has recently been suffering from 'SuBo fever' after spending 23 hours a day on SuBo forums.
RCMP Officer C. Anuck said "I can confirm a man has climbed to the top of the tower, and has threatened to jump, eh? He is demanding that Susan Boyle tells him she loves him before he'll come down."
After a six hour stand-off with the authorities, the fanatic was shot with a tranquiliser dart and taken away for deprogramming.
